Many people say making friends as an adult is hard, and I couldn’t agree more. Although I have met many people through apps like Bumble and Meetup, cultivating long-lasting friendships has been more challenging. When I first started using Bumble BFF, I thought I would find my new best friend. But now, I manage my expectations. I recognize that meaningful connections happen over time. I am learning to enjoy the process by focusing on getting to know new people, knowing what I need in a friendship, considering what each person has to offer, and communicating my values and needs to the people I meet.
Managing Expectations
I would love to say that I became close friends with everyone I met, but that is rarely the case. If you are meeting new people but not forming deep connections, remember that it is a process. It is a lot easier to make friends when we are in school because of something known as the mere exposure effect. Studies indicate that we like people who we see more. Making friends can be a lot easier when you join a class related to a hobby you have. You might also consider volunteering to connect with like-minded people. The goal is to get into a habit of seeing the same people more often. Interacting with the same people repeatedly can lead to making new friends.
Meeting new people can be more fun when we let go of our expectations of who we want them to be and give them a chance to show us who they are. I want to build lasting relationships, but I can’t expect every person I meet to become my close friend. I recognize this expectation has gotten in the way of me getting to know someone new. I’m so focused on what I want in a friend that I forget to see what they have to offer in a friendship. Understanding our needs in a friendship and assessing whether a person can meet those needs is crucial. Managing our expectations can also prevent disappointment. Instead of having expectations of people, we should focus on understanding what they can offer. Once we know their capacity, we can determine if they can be the kind of friends we want.
The Role of Vulnerability in Friendships
I need vulnerability in my friendships. When getting to know new people, I observe how vulnerable they are. I look for how often they open up or share how they feel. Curiosity is essential when getting to know new people. You can do this by asking questions to understand their level of vulnerability. Questions like “How do you feel about sharing your struggles with others?” “How comfortable are you with expressing your emotions openly?” and “What does vulnerability mean to you?” can help you gauge how vulnerable someone is. Vulnerability is at the core of close, secure, and authentic relationships. Find ways to show more of who you are by being more vulnerable.
The Importance of Communication
I have learned to communicate my needs and values early on to determine whether the people I meet can fulfill them. You also want to create space for mutual understanding by asking about their values and needs in a friendship. Shared values lay the foundation for a fulfilling relationship and determine compatibility. Also, being open about your needs can create space to be heard and understood. However, it is equally important to remember that some people cannot give us what we need. Once we accept this, we can determine how to move forward. Often, moving on can lead us to more fulfilling connections.
Speaking from experience, making meaningful connections as an adult is not easy, but it is possible. I recognize that the type of friendships I want take time to cultivate. As I meet new people, I remind myself that it is a process and to focus on getting to know them. I ask questions to help me understand who they are and what they have to offer in a friendship. I also make sure to communicate my needs and values. These steps help me to determine if we can be friends. It’s great when I meet someone new, but even more special when we become close friends.