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I’ve heard only 10 percent of life is determined by what happens to you, and the remaining 90 percent is how you react to those events. I was skeptical because I believed the event had more influence on how I reacted. However, I have realized that my perception of the events shaped my reactions. I have learned to experience life differently by developing an internal locus of control. I had to shift from powerless to powerful. The way we move to a place of empowerment is through emotional resilience. The best ways to develop emotional resilience involve assessing our self-image, being optimistic, letting go of a victim mentality, and seeking support.
Cultivating a Positive Self-Image
Building emotional resilience is about having that inner voice that says I can get through this. I refuse to be defined by my circumstances. I have supportive people who can help me. I trust myself to make the right decisions. When you find yourself doubting your capabilities, challenge those beliefs. Often, the limitations we might have stem from past experiences. Fortunately, we can go beyond who we have been and become who we want to be. You might have felt powerless in the past, but you can feel powerful today. I encourage you to embrace the power that lies within.
Embracing Optimism
Another way to build emotional resilience is by having an optimistic outlook. When you direct your attention to the things going well in your life, you cultivate a positive mindset. We cannot control external factors, but we can control our perspective. One way to increase optimism is by being grateful. The end of a relationship can be heartbreaking but having gratitude can help you move forward. You can be grateful for the lessons you learn. Appreciate the positive memories you’ve shared. Embrace the opportunity to focus on yourself. Be thankful for the chance to have a new relationship that surpasses your wildest imagination.
Letting Go of the Victim Mentality
We can also cultivate resilience when we let go of the victim mentality. A common belief associated with a victim mentality is terrible things are always happening to me. I have no choice about what happens to me. Others are to blame for my adversaries. You may even ask yourself why me? It may be helpful to consider more empowering questions like:
- What can I learn from this?
- How can I use this to transform?
- What actions can I take to make this better?
- What can I do differently to get a favorable outcome?
- What can I control in this situation?
A victim mentality is often the result of past trauma. With the help of a licensed therapist, you can heal from painful experiences. As you begin to heal, you can reclaim your power by speaking up and taking responsibility for what is in your control.
Building Supportive Relationships
Lastly, we can increase our resilience by being around supportive people. Individuals who listen with empathy and offer encouragement are essential to helping us during challenges. Take time to evaluate your support system to ensure you have people in your life who have your best interest at heart. You can find support through church, friends, family, mentors, teachers, therapists, support groups, online communities, and hotlines. Many people are willing to offer assistance. Seeking help can often result in receiving support. As you feel supported, you build the strength to overcome challenges.
Change Starts with You
You may believe to experience a better life, things around you need to change. But the truth is that change starts with you. You have to change your locus of control. Having an internal locus of control will help you to experience life differently. Life is happening for you and not happening to you. This mindset can help you to build resilience and move from powerless to powerful. Remember that resilience develops as you assess your self-image, become optimistic, let go of a victim mentality, and seek support.