The way you show up in relationships can give clues to the kind of attachment style you may have. A secure attachment style is the type of attachment you want to have if you want the best chance of having fulfilling relationships. An insecure attachment style can prevent you from having the relationship you desire. There are four attachment styles: secure, fearful-avoidant, dismissive-avoidant, and anxious-preoccupied. These styles are shaped by early childhood and influence how adults behave in relationships. In this post, I will cover each of them and how early childhood experiences with parents influence our beliefs and behaviors.
Attachment Theory
Before delving into the four attachment styles, let’s explore and understand how they originated. Attachment theory was developed by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s. Later, Mary Ainsworth, his colleague, expanded on this theory and classified attachments as secure or insecure. These styles were identified through a study conducted in the 1970s, which involved observing children between 12-18 months and their mothers. Parents were asked to leave their children briefly and then return. The child’s response to the parent’s return was critical to identifying the four attachment styles.
Secure
There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Less than 50 percent of the population has a secure attachment style. Adults with a secure attachment style tend to have more fulfilling and satisfying relationships. They grew up in a home where emotional safety was established through healthy communication and boundaries. It is relatively easy to form healthy relationships because they are confident in themselves. Their early childhood experiences taught them their worth.
Anxious Preoccupied
Adults with insecure attachment styles tend to face challenges in forming healthy relationships. An insecure attachment can be characterized as anxious-preoccupied. There may have been some inconsistency in their childhood with this type of attachment. The parent may have been loving but worked long hours. As adults, they may fear being alone or abandoned because they believe people they love will leave them. They attempt to resolve this belief by maintaining proximity in relationships. This behavior may look like reaching out frequently through phone calls and texts.
Dismissive Avoidant
The next type of insecure attachment is dismissive-avoidant. This style may be more common in adults who experienced emotional neglect in their childhood. Their parent may have been unresponsive to their emotional needs. It is also likely the child was criticized for showing their emotions. This may have led to the belief that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. As an adult, they appear more independent and emotionally reserved.
Fearful Avoidant
The last type of insecure attachment is fearful-avoidant. Adults with this attachment style may have experienced a lot of chaos during their childhood. The parent may have been unpredictable when they abused alcohol, causing the child to be afraid of their parents. As adults, people with fearful-avoidant attachment styles may struggle to trust that they can be close to someone without getting hurt. Therefore, it’s common for them to send mixed signals in relationships.
Final Thoughts
There are four attachment styles, and knowing where you fall can provide insight into how early childhood experiences with parents impacted your beliefs and behaviors as an adult. A secure attachment is essential to having healthy relationships. An insecure attachment style can be detrimental to forming healthy bonds. Fortunately, you can change your attachment styles through a process known as reprogramming. As you begin to adopt healthier behaviors and beliefs, you will start to experience better relationships.