When you think about who you are, think of it as a puzzle. Who you are represents the image, and the pieces represent the parts of you. The pieces are your interests, passions, goals, beliefs, strengths, and values. One thing for sure is that we are unique individuals and bring something special to the world.
You Are Unique
You are a unique individual. No one person has the same fingerprint. How unique you are extends beyond a physical attribute. You are unique in the things you love. You are unique in the values you hold. You are unique in the beliefs you have. You are unique in the goals you set. You are unique in the things you are good at. When you think of who you are, include all the pieces. Similarly to a puzzle, you cannot see the fullness of who you are without all the pieces.
The Pieces of the Puzzle
When you think about who you are, I understand the first thing that might come to your mind is what you do. But these are just small pieces to the puzzle. I want you to think about your qualities and not what you do. Consider your interests, hobbies, values, beliefs, and goals. These things represent a significant part of you. These are things you prioritize because they matter to you.
Choose Who You Want to Be
Who you are is more than what you do. Who you are is who you choose to be. Who you are is about knowing every part of you, from your strengths to your weaknesses. Being who you are is not about being perfect. It is more about being the best version of yourself. You can have weaknesses and still be worthwhile.
Who Are You?
I am a unique individual who loves to learn new things. I believe knowledge is power, and I enjoy sharing what I know with others. I am passionate about helping others and leaving an impact that extends beyond this generation. This is who I am. Who you are?
You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you are unhappy with where you are at, you might disagree. You might believe you should be further along. You might desire more from life. But you are here. Whether you like it or not, it is important to accept it. Because where you are now can help you get to where you want to be.
Just because you are unhappy with where you are does not mean you should be somewhere else. Where you are now is an opportunity for growth. You are discovering what you want to change. You might not be happy, but you can be grateful. Grateful that where you are is only temporary. Now you know what you want to change. Now, you can make that change.
Create The Life You Want
When you think about where you are, it is important to consider if your actions are holding you back. While you might not have control over everything, you have control over how you respond. When you respond with openness, you invite knowledge. When you respond with a positive mindset, you invite hope. When you respond with faith, you invite possibilities. By changing how you respond, you influence the outcome.
You can still have everything you want, but it might not happen when you want it. You might have a dream that you have been wanting for a long time. You might have a goal you have been working on. Whatever it is, it is coming at the right time. The right time is not always the time you want it. The right time is the time you are ready to receive it. It is important to prepare for the things you want.
I hope that wherever you are in life, you can say I am where I am supposed to be. I can change where I stay, and the things I want are coming at the right time.
This year has flown by fast, and while I look forward to the new year, I appreciate all that 2024 has taught me and given me. I hope with the new year approaching, you will take some time to reflect on this past year. The year 2024 has been transformative. I want to share how this year has helped me grow.
The Power Within
In the past, I felt powerless, but this year has helped me to see how strong I am. I am not strong because I can get through challenging things. I am strong because I realize that external things don’t have to dictate how powerful I feel. I focus on what I can control, and this is where my power lies. My power lies in my ability to shift my perspective, take action, and remain hopeful. Yes, this year has helped me to reclaim my power.
The Gift of Solitude
I spent most of this year alone. While I did experience loneliness at times, I also found great solace in dedicating time to my blog. Expressing my passions through writing has brought me joy while sharing insights with others has given me purpose. Solitude has also provided me with clarity about who I am and what I want. I now pursue life more intentionally, using quiet moments to set goals and reflect on my journey. This time has allowed me to evaluate my relationships and, more importantly, to embrace the gift of solitude.
Let Go of the Past, Keep the Lessons
This year has helped me to heal from the past. I have learned that how someone treats me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and not a reflection of my worth. I have learned that people have limitations that prevent them from showing up in a way that I need them. I have learned the importance of choosing people who align with my values. I have learned to be more open about my needs. I have learned to let go of unhelpful beliefs to move to a greater place. More importantly, I have learned that I am always worthy.
My Worth Is Innate
I have learned that my worth is internal and not external. It is not dependent on how someone treats me. It is not dependent on how I look, where I live, how much money I make, or how many friends I have. My worth is dependent on my ability to recognize it. I am worthwhile because I am a human being. I am worthy because I have a life. I am worthy, regardless of what others may think. As long as I live, I will be worthy.
Emotions Are Temporary
There were moments throughout the year when I felt sad, disappointed, and even anxious. Although it was hard to deal with these feelings, I knew what I felt was temporary. I recognized these emotions reminded me of what I wanted in my life. These emotions motivated me to change. Instead of judging my feelings, I allowed myself to sit with each emotion. As I began to process my emotions, I gained insight into what I could do differently. When I changed my actions, the way I felt changed. I felt happier because I made choices that aligned with my values.
Taking the Lessons into 2025
I am grateful for all the lessons this past year has taught me. I look forward to bringing these lessons into the new year. I do not know what 2025 holds, but I hope it does not fall short of amazing! This year brought lessons, and I hope next year will bring blessings. With the new year approaching, I invite you to reflect by answering the following questions:
I came across a quote that I liked. It says self-care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. You cannot afford to not take care of yourself. Like a car, neglect can lead to a breakdown. The role of self-care is to keep your tank full so that you can function at your highest capacity. A car cannot go far on an empty tank. Similarly, you can not be all you can be if you neglect yourself. I want to share some self-care practices I hope you can implement daily to keep your tank full.
Breathe
Self-care is not just about spending money on a massage. It is about engaging in activities that are inexpensive and beneficial to your well-being. It can start with taking a deep breath. When you take time to breathe, you give yourself the chance to pause. When you pause, you allow yourself to gain clarity. You also become fully present with yourself. While you take a deep breath, ask yourself what you need right now. By asking yourself this question, you make a conscious effort to meet your needs.
Journal
Another great way to check in with yourself is through journaling. When you have time alone, it is good to self-reflect, process your emotions and recognize patterns. Journaling is not only a valuable self-care practice, but it is also an excellent tool for self-discovery. Guided journals are very helpful for gaining insight into yourself. Knowing yourself is crucial in being able to meet your needs. You can also freely write about your day, what you are grateful for, or the goals you may want to achieve. Making journaling a part of your daily life is one of the best ways to stay connected with yourself.
Boundaries
If you want a better relationship with yourself, it starts with saying no. A “No” to others is a “Yes” to you. It’s great to be a giving person. But that doesn’t just apply to others. It applies to you. Allow yourself to say no to things you do not want to do. It might not be easy to do, but it is necessary to keep your tank full. Constantly giving to others without self-care can leave you depleted. You want to set boundaries with others to ensure you give from a full tank.
Nurture Your Body
Taking care of your physical health is a form of self-care. When you exercise, you care for your body. Exercising throughout the week helps you have more energy and improves your mood. Eating more fruits and vegetables can be another way to nurture your body. The Mediterranean diet can serve as a guide to help you make healthier eating choices. Last but not least, getting adequate sleep every day is essential in recharging your body.
Spiritual Practices
Self-care can also involve spending time in nature, praying, or meditating. These spiritual practices can be beneficial in helping you to stay connected to something bigger than yourself. Spending time in nature can improve mood. The next time you feel down, consider going for a ten-minute walk. Daily prayer can also help you to connect to God and provide inner peace and clarity. Lastly, meditation can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Although these are popular spiritual practices, there are many others you can explore.
Final Takeaway
I hope that now that you know what self-care looks like, you can start implementing these practices. Self-care is the best way to keep your tank full. Remember, self-care is not a luxury. It is a necessity. Make sure that you are making time to take care of yourself.
Many people fear being alone, but it can often be the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Life can get busy, and having some time to check in with you can be powerful and transformative. There is a chance for growth, healing, creativity, and clarity. I want to help you see how solitude can be a gift to you.
Solitude has helped me to grow
During this time in my life, I have more time to myself. I have time to self-reflect on my life and identify what is working for me and what is not working for me. This clarity has guided me to make choices that align with my values. I am more clear about what I want and willing to take action to get there. I also recognize what I need to work on and strive to improve. Through self-compassion, I have learned to give myself grace and challenge limiting beliefs. I recognized I had the power to change, and I could take one step at a time.
Solitude has been healing for me
The biggest lesson I have learned is that my worth is innate. Often, phrases like these can sound cliché, but it is a truth I am glad I discovered. I once believed my worth depended on others’ opinions and that I had to earn it, but now I know I do not have to work for it. My worth is already there, just waiting to be realized. When you know you are worthy, you feel more confident in who you are. This confidence allows you to pursue the life that you want.
Solitude has taught me that I deserve to be happy
Once I recognized my worth was innate, I felt more deserving of the life I wanted. As a result, I am more intentional about taking actions that align with my values. I challenge myself when I feel afraid because I know that pushing past the fear will help me get to where I want to be. I am not as hard on myself now because I believe I deserve to be happy. I prioritize my mental health, and I am willing to ask for help because I believe I deserve to be supported.
Solitude has helped me identify what my needs are
Being aware of my needs has helped me to evaluate my relationships. It made it easier to recognize relationships that no longer served me. It also helped me realize what needs were most important to me. I also learned the role I played in my needs going unmet. I did not communicate my needs consistently and chose people who could not meet my needs. I realized that I deserved to have my needs met and took actions that aligned with this belief.
Solitude helped me to be more intentional
Once I realized that I was the common denominator in all my relationships, I understood that the change I desired started with me. It began with me identifying my needs, wants, and dealbreakers. This information helped me to evaluate what relationships to pursue. I also recognized the importance of communicating my needs, asking questions, and having shared values. It was no longer enough to enjoy someone’s company. It was about identifying who I am compatible with and creating the foundation for long-lasting relationships.
Solitude taught me to trust myself
I was having a hard time making a decision about a new relationship. I met someone who had great qualities, but there was one dealbreaker. I knew I wanted to make new friends that were long-lasting and realized that it was best that I did not pursue the friendship. It was a difficult decision at the moment, but in the long run, it was the best decision. I look back on that day and realize that the peace I had in my decision was enough to know I did the right thing.
Solitude gives me time to be creative
I knew that there was more to life than what I was doing. I always wanted to start a blog but never considered myself creative enough. I decided that I would give it a try, and it has given me so much fulfillment. I enjoy creating content that can make a difference in people’s lives. I still do not consider myself creative, but I may need to challenge that belief. Writing is a creative process, and I take pride in sharing my passion with others.
The Gifts of Solitude
Solitude can be a gift. I have shared seven with you today. But I hope that by reading this, you can discover the gifts solitude has given you. To recap, here are the seven gifts of solitude I have found in my life.
The gift of growth
The gift of healing
The gift of happiness
The gift of knowledge
The gift of clarity
The gift of trust
The gift of creativity
The next time you are alone, I hope you can see it as a gift.
We all have dreams and goals that we want to achieve, but what if I told you the only person standing in between what you want is YOU. Self-sabotage is a common reason people don’t have the life they want. They find ways to sabotage what they desire. I want to help you identify ways you self-sabotage and help you to make choices that align with your values.
Signs of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage behavior refers to intentional action (or inaction) that undermines people’s progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals. Some signs of self-sabotage include:
Procrastination
Perfectionism
Not asking for help
Being inconsistent
Giving up prematurely
Not taking risks
Making excuses
Comparing yourself to others
Limiting beliefs
Ignoring red flags
Become Self-Aware
The purpose of creating this list is not to beat yourself up but to create awareness around your behaviors. You want to make sure your actions match what you desire. The first step is to recognize what behaviors contradict what you want. If you want a healthy relationship, consider ways your beliefs or behaviors undermine it. Do you ignore red flags? Do you make excuses for not putting yourself out there? Or do you believe you are unworthy of love? These questions can bring awareness to ways you self-sabotage.
Reasons You Self-Sabotage
Now that you can identify ways you self-sabotage, you might wonder why you do it. Here are some common reasons:
1. It Is Familiar
One reason we hold ourselves back is because it is familiar. For example, if you experience emotional neglect from your parents, you might find yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable people. You may want to be in a healthy relationship but ignore red flags. Your desire does not align with your action, and this is an example of self-sabotage.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Another reason people self-sabotage is because of low self-esteem. When you grow up as a child not getting your needs met, you might develop beliefs that you are not enough, there is something wrong with you, you can’t trust people, and you are unworthy of love. Although these beliefs are untrue, many people struggle to challenge them. When you do not challenge these beliefs, you allow them to get in the way of what you want.
3. Fear of Failure
Failure is only temporary when you do not give up. The fear of failure can hinder you from going after what you want. Perhaps you are eager to launch a business, yet anxiety holds you back. Or you want to go back to school for an advanced degree but dread the difficulty of the coursework. Avoiding challenges and shying away from risks is often a sign you are afraid to fail.
4. Perfectionism
Self-sabotage is often rooted in perfectionism. One sign that perfectionism may be an obstacle is the mindset of all-or-nothing thinking, where you believe there is only failure and success. This perspective leads to setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, which can hinder your ability to achieve your goals.
Make A Change
When you become aware, you have the power to change. Self-sabotage no longer has to get in the way of the dreams and goals you have for yourself. You can make choices that align with your values. It is not enough to want something. You must be willing to take action to get there. Consider the following questions:
What actions can I take to support my goals and desires?
What patterns of behaviors are preventing me from succeeding?
What beliefs do I need to challenge to feel worthy of success?
What values do I need to prioritize more in my life?
What is one choice I can make to achieve my goals?
What progress have I made to achieve my goals?
These questions can keep you in alignment with what you want.
In Summary
Self-sabotage is a common way we hold ourselves back, but the good news is that you can shift. You can make a change and have what you want. It starts with you. Believe you are worthy of what you want and make choices that align with your values.
If you believe you deserve everything you desire, why settle? People often settle due to fear, a scarcity mindset, low self-esteem, and the desire for instant gratification. Instead of settling, know that you are worthy of having what you want, have faith that what you want is possible, take action to get what you want, and wait for what you want to show up.
Fear of Change
One of the reasons that people settle is because of fear. Some people stay in relationships that are unhealthy because they are afraid of being alone. Some people remain at unfulfilling jobs because they are afraid of uncertainty. Some people do not follow their dreams because they are scared of failing. It is natural to fear change. But change is often needed to get to where you want to be. Instead of being afraid, have faith that what you want is possible. You can have better relationships. You can have a job that you love. You can fulfill your dreams.
Scarcity Mindset
A scarcity mindset might be another reason people settle. You might believe having something is better than having nothing. Settling for less than what you deserve only reinforces the belief that you are not worthy of what you want. Self-limiting beliefs prevent us from having what we want. It can also lead to disappointment and regret. Rather than having a scarcity mindset, develop an abundance mindset. There are enough opportunities to go around. No one can take away what belongs to you. If it is for you, you will receive it.
Low Self-Esteem
Another reason that people settle is because of low self-esteem. When someone has low self-esteem, they don’t believe they can have what they want. Subsequently, they accept less than they deserve because of their low self-worth. Your self-worth is innate. You are a human being, and that alone makes you worthy. Whether they are goals, dreams, relationships, or opportunities, remember that you are worthy of what you desire. Once you know you are worthy, have the patience to wait for what you want instead of accepting whatever shows up.
Instant Gratification
Instant gratification is another reason people settle. It might initially feel great to settle for a casual relationship instead of waiting for a deeper connection. It may initially feel great to stay at a job you are comfortable at instead of starting your own business. It may initially feel great to splurge on shopping instead of saving for a down payment on a house. The problem with instant gratification is that it only fulfills you in the short term. Instead, consider delayed gratification. Be willing to make decisions that are hard in the short term but pay off in the long run. It might take longer to fulfill a particular desire, but it is often worth the time and effort.
Final Thoughts
You might have a dream that you have been thinking about pursuing or desire for a fulfilling relationship. Whatever you want, know that you are worthy of having it, have faith that what you want is possible, take action, and wait for what you want to show up. Do not give into fear or impatience while pursuing your desires. What is for you is coming, and it is worth the wait.
You might be familiar with the saying, “Trust your intuition; it never lies.” However, some people may not recognize when their intuition is speaking or might hesitate to follow their gut. While having a strong sense of intuition is beneficial, trusting it can be challenging for some. To build that trust, focus on listening to your body, relying on your judgment, reflecting on past experiences, and following your instincts.
Listening to Your Body
One way to trust your intuition is by learning how it speaks to you. Intuition can speak through physical sensations. It can be a peace you feel when you are around the right person. Or it can be a sinking feeling in your stomach when something feels off. Other common physical sensations include tightness in your chest or goosebumps. When you recognize how intuition speaks to you, it is important to listen to it. Take time to scan your body for physical sensations so that you can identify the subtle cues your intuition is telling you.
Unlocking Your Intuition
You may not feel comfortable trusting your intuition because it does not make logical sense. But intuition stems from the subconscious mind, not the conscious mind. People commonly rationalize a situation because they are afraid of trusting their gut. Or allow anxiety to cause them to overthink and overpower their inner knowledge. You may have dated someone who seems perfect on paper but did not feel at ease about moving forward with them. You might have reasoned with yourself by saying I don’t have a solid reason not to be with this person. But when you decide to give them a chance, you discover they are not a good fit for you.
Following Your Intuition
You may be able to recall a time you had a gut feeling about something but went against it. Our intuition usually comes with an inner knowing, but we don’t always follow it. It can also be a hesitation about something or someone. Or it can be a thought that comes out of nowhere. Reflecting on past experiences can help you identify how your intuition speaks to you and understand the value of following it. You may have accepted a job offer you were hesitant about and soon discover the work environment is toxic. In this situation, you recognize that trusting your gut could have prevented you from being in this situation. Instead of being hard on yourself, use this experience as a reason to follow your intuition.
While you may not always trust your gut, when you do, it often leads you to where you want to be. You may have trusted your gut to start your own business, and now you have a more fulfilling career. You might have felt a sense of inner peace about someone after your first date, and then two years later, you are married to them. Your intuition never lies, but anxiety can. It is crucial to distinguish between anxiety and intuition. Intuition is a clear message, while anxiety is a fear of the unknown.
Intuition can be challenging for some to identify or even trust. But there are ways that you can begin to trust your intuition. The way to do this is by listening to your body, trusting your judgment, reflecting on experiences, and following your intuition. As your trust in your intuition grows, you’ll discover that you make decisions with increased confidence and clarity.
Expectations in a relationship can often lead to resentment when they go unmet. It is important to know how to manage our expectations to prevent us from feeling disappointed or resentful towards the people we are in relationships with. Instead, we can evaluate our expectations, communicate our needs, recognize people’s limitations, make agreements, let go of our expectations, and move towards what we want.
Understand the Origins of Expectations
Managing our expectations can begin by understanding their origins. Many expectations arise from societal or familial influences. Others may stem from personal experiences. Recognizing the source of our expectations helps us assess how reasonable they are. Expecting respect, honesty, and support in relationships is reasonable. However, anticipating others to fulfill unexpressed needs is not. It’s also worth considering the flexibility of our expectations: are they negotiable or dealbreakers?
Communicate Your Needs
Resentment often arises from unmet expectations. It’s crucial to communicate our needs clearly to have them met, as others cannot provide what they are unaware we require. We may assume or expect others to know our needs, but rather than placing the burden on them, we should express our needs directly. Sharing the significance of these needs and how their fulfillment would impact us can be beneficial. By doing so, we can form agreements with others by requesting what we need and giving them the choice to agree.
Although we can express our needs to others, we cannot control whether the other person meets them. Everyone has limitations that might prevent them from fulfilling the needs of those they care about. A common barrier is a lack of awareness or understanding. If someone doesn’t know about your needs or how to satisfy them, consider providing specific ways that need can be met. Additionally, personal issues such as unresolved trauma can hinder someone’s ability to meet your needs until they have addressed their own.
Accept What You Cannot Change
Sometimes, improving our relationships involves letting go of our expectations of who we want someone to be and accepting them as they are. A single person may not fulfill all our needs, but do they satisfy most of our needs? Whether their inability to meet certain needs is a dealbreaker is up to you to determine. It’s about deciding what you’re willing to compromise on and what you’re not. This process often leads to the realization that the person may not be the best fit for you. Rather than expecting someone to fit your needs, it might be worth finding people capable of meeting your needs.
Know When to Move On
There may come a time when you decide to move on to fulfill your needs. We often expect our friend or significant other to meet these needs, but they may be unable or unwilling to do so. If communication has occurred and your needs remain unmet, this may indicate it’s time to end the relationship. Sometimes, letting go is in your best interest. We all deserve to have our needs met, and being open to letting go of unfulfilling relationships can lead you closer to what you desire. It opens the door for connections with those who can meet your needs.
Managing expectations is crucial because unmet expectations can result in disappointment. We can do this by evaluating our expectations, communicating our needs, recognizing people’s limitations, making agreements, letting go of our expectations, and moving towards what we want. We are all worth having our needs met.
Emotional intelligence is a great skill to have. We can increase our emotional intelligence by understanding ourselves and others. Individuals with high levels of emotional intelligence have these five components: empathy, social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation. These attributes often play a crucial role in fostering better relationships and enhancing overall well-being.
Understanding Empathy
Empathy is one of the components of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to understand the emotions and perspectives of others. We can exercise our empathy by listening to understand and not to respond. After they share their feelings or thoughts, repeat to them what you heard. Start your response with I heard you say and ask them if you heard them correctly. Often, you may not agree with their perspective. However, empathy is about seeking to understand. You may not have the same perspective, but putting yourself in their shoes makes it easier to understand their point of view.
Enhancing Social Skills
Social skills are another vital component of emotional intelligence. The way we communicate verbally and nonverbally shows our level of emotional intelligence. Non-verbal cues like eye contact, body language, and tone of voice are things to consider when communicating. Maintaining eye contact and open body language is a great way to create an environment for open communication. Social skills also encompass active listening. Listen to understand and ask open-ended questions to gain a better understanding. You want to not only be able to communicate your point but also hear the other person’s perspective.
Cultivating Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is an essential part of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to understand your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. It is also recognizing how our words and behaviors impact others. Self-awareness can be developed by asking for feedback. Often, we are not able to see what other people see. Feedback from others can give us insight into how we are perceived. Some feedback may not be easy to receive, but remaining open to it creates an opportunity to grow. You can also develop self-awareness through journaling, mindfulness, and self-reflection.
Mastering Self-Regulation
Self-regulation is at the heart of emotional intelligence. Some emotions may be more challenging, but knowing how to manage all emotions is a crucial part of self-regulation. Accepting how you feel can allow you to process your emotions. Reframe from judging your feelings. Instead, view your emotions as information and separate from who you are. Instead of saying I am sad. Say I am feeling sad, or I am experiencing sadness. It is also okay to take a break if your emotions become too intense or talk through emotions with a supportive friend.
Fostering Intrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation is the final component of emotional intelligence. It refers to the internal desire to pursue activities or goals for enjoyment rather than external rewards. Intrinsic motivation has three key elements: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Self-motivation allows you to take initiative and find fulfillment in acquiring new knowledge. It also fosters personal growth, which can lead to self-actualization. You can increase motivation by celebrating small victories, setting clear goals, and finding purposeful work.
Emotional intelligence is a valuable skill that enhances well-being and fosters connections with the world. It comprises five components: empathy, social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation. Consider these components as you work to improve your emotional intelligence.
