Category: Self Care

Triggers are often an indication of unresolved trauma. However, not many people recognize they are triggered and react instead of responding. When managing triggers, it is better to be proactive instead of reactive. You can do this by identifying your triggers, engaging in positive self-talk, disengaging from the triggers, setting boundaries, staying grounded, and finding support through individualized and group therapy. 

What Are Triggers?

One of the first steps to managing triggers is knowing what they are. A trigger is a stimulus that causes a painful memory to resurface. Internal triggers include a memory, physical sensation, or an emotion. External triggers are people, places, or specific situations.

Identifying Your Triggers?

Understanding your triggers is the first step to managing them. For example, dating anxiety can be an internal trigger, while being rejected by someone can be an external trigger. Take time to identify your triggers to prepare yourself when they occur.

The Power of Positive Self-Talk

Developing positive self-talk is one way to manage triggers. Remind yourself that rejection does not determine your value. If you’re feeling anxious about getting close to someone, remind yourself that it’s okay to be scared and that you can work through these fears and build meaningful relationships. While positive affirmations are great, they are not the only way to manage triggers.

Disengaging from Triggers

Another way to deal with triggers is to disengage. You might be triggered during conflict when someone raises their voice. It could remind you of the constant discord you experienced going up. You might have grown up in a household where conflict was resolved with aggression, making yelling a trigger for you. The trigger might also stem from the trauma of a prior toxic relationship. In situations where you feel unsafe, it is okay to disengage from the trigger. By doing so, you are setting a boundary.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is another effective way to handle triggers. It’s about creating limits that safeguard your well-being. Yelling, for instance, can be particularly triggering for those with a history of trauma. If you’ve faced or seen abuse, an aggressive tone is threatening. It is crucial to establish a boundary that encourages respectful dialogue. You could express this by saying, “I feel uncomfortable when you raise your voice at me and I need you to lower your tone when we communicate.”

Staying Grounded in the Present

One simple but not always easy way to deal with triggers is to remain present. Often, a trigger can take you back to a painful memory that happened in the past. One way to cope is to take a few deep breaths and focus on grounding yourself in the present moment. Remind yourself you are safe now. Taking deep breaths can help calm your mind and lessen the intensity of your emotions. It also allows you to disconnect from the past triggers and center yourself so that you can gain a sense of control.

Seeking Professional Support

Managing some triggers can be hard on your own, and that’s when therapy can come in handy. Triggers can be linked to trauma, so dealing with them usually means delving into past experiences in a safe and supportive setting. Trauma isn’t something you can simply get over; it often requires the guidance of a licensed therapist to work through it. This process is crucial to healing and building effective coping mechanisms. Another option involves joining a support group, where sharing your story and connecting with others can help you heal.

Final Thoughts

Everyone has triggers, and understanding yours can help you respond better. Since trauma is often associated with triggers, it’s crucial to be proactive rather than reactive. You can do this by identifying your triggers, engaging in positive self-talk, disengaging from the triggers, setting boundaries, staying grounded, working with a therapist, or joining a support group. Being triggered doesn’t have to take you back. It can move you forward with the right tools. 

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Recalling the struggle to move beyond painful experiences, I searched for guidance on YouTube with the phrase “healing emotional pain.” I found a video that sparked my journey toward healing, and I’d like to share the insights gained from it. The video highlighted the significance of emotional regulation, self-compassion, patience, cognitive reframing, and forgiveness. Although the healing journey is neither swift nor simple, it is a transformative path worth pursuing.

The Importance of Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is essential to healing from a painful experience. One way we can do this is by identifying how we feel. It is often hard to admit it when you feel scared or sad because it feels uncomfortable. Some emotions are heavy, intense, and painful, which can prevent us from wanting to acknowledge them. However, I found acknowledging them can often create space to process them. It also creates an opportunity to change how you feel. If the emotion is too intense, consider taking a break or talking it out with a supportive friend. Journaling your thoughts or engaging in meditation are also great options for managing your emotions.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is crucial for emotional regulation. By practicing self-compassion, we improve our ability to manage emotions. For instance, when we feel fear, we may judge ourselves for that feeling. Thinking “I shouldn’t be afraid” may lead to feeling shame. Practicing self-compassion involves allowing oneself to feel fear without judgment. Affirmations such as “It’s normal to feel afraid,” “I can handle my emotions,” “My feelings do not define me,” and “I acknowledge and accept my fear,” can help you to accept your emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Be Patience with Yourself

The path of healing is a journey that requires patience. Healing resembles a circle, symbolizing the ongoing journey toward wholeness. It involves being receptive to the work necessary to heal. Part of the healing process is recognizing your triggers. You may have thought you had done all the healing work. But, a trigger may signal that there is something you are still working through. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge your progress. Healing is a process that takes time for everyone. Emotional wounds can leave profound scars, and similar to a physical wound, the deeper it is, the more care and time it needs to heal.

The Role of Forgiveness in Letting Go

Forgiveness is often a challenging but helpful way to let go of past hurts. Many of us have experienced hurt, and it’s not uncommon to feel weighed down by it. Clinging to resentment can hinder our progress and rob us of peace. Often, forgiveness is the key to finding peace. It is a personal choice that only you can decide for yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t justify the wrongs done; rather, it’s about letting go of resentment. To start, ask yourself, “What do I need to forgive myself for?” Write it down, beginning with “I forgive myself for.” Next, reflect on what you wish to forgive in others.

On the path to healing, I have learned to embrace the journey. When healing emotional wounds, practice emotional regulation, self-compassion, patience, cognitive reframing, and forgiveness. These practices have been critical to my healing process, and I hope they can be just as transformative for you.

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Throughout my life, there were moments when I felt judged for being different from others. I also had moments where I felt like I wasn’t living up to societal expectations. In a society where others have expectations of you, how do you remain authentic to yourself? Ultimately, true happiness comes from staying true to your values and making choices that reflect you rather than conforming to societal norms. Maintaining authenticity involves several practices. It involves knowing your values, accepting who you are, letting go of the need for approval, practicing self-compassion, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

Understanding Your Values

The values you have are an essential part of building a life of authenticity. Our values remind us of what we need to focus on and give us direction. One way to stay true to yourself is by living by your values. Understanding your top five values and aligning your actions with them can be beneficial. Your values can help you to stay true to what matters to you. Once you know your values, consider ways you can incorporate your values into your life. Your values can be a way to maintain integrity with who you are. If self-respect is a value you have, you can uphold it by setting clear boundaries, being assertive, and making your well-being a priority.

Embracing Your Unique Self

Authenticity means embracing your true self. You are unique, and your path will differ from others. It’s okay not to follow what others your age are doing. It’s normal to have different qualities, goals, and dreams. Your individuality allows you to make a unique mark on the world. To effect change, embracing your uniqueness is essential. What sets you apart is your strength. Accepting yourself also means recognizing your humanity. You are human, flawed like everyone else. No matter your imperfections, you have value. You don’t have to prove your worth. Being authentically you is more than enough.

Letting Go of the Need for Approval

Releasing the need for approval is crucial to maintaining authenticity. Often, we face expectations from our parents, friends, and society that don’t reflect our true selves. We aren’t obligated to fulfill others’ desires of who we should be. While there may be a desire to make others happy, it should not come at the cost of losing our identity. The key to overcoming the need for approval lies in building our self-esteem. When we are confident in who we are, we reduce the need for approval. Take time to reflect on your strengths. Focus on what you love about yourself. Understand that your self-perception holds more weight than the opinions of others.

The Power of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion can be instrumental in an authentic life. We limit ourselves through negative self-talk. We can challenge these thoughts with more empowering statements. Sometimes, we may have internalized a traumatic experience to mean that there is something wrong with us. Self-compassion says I am not defined by what happened to me. The trauma I experienced was not my fault. These statements are honest and empowering. It also allows you to move forward and create the life you want. Self-compassion helps you to embrace the power that lies within. Your inner critic can get in the way of living more authentically because of the fear of failure. Self-compassion sounds like I acknowledge my fear and move forward with courage. I let go of the fear of judgment and embrace my authenticity. I am allowed to make mistakes; they do not diminish my worth.

Surrounding Yourself with Supportive People

Being around people who accept who you are can be crucial to staying authentic. The support of people can help you to feel comfortable expressing who you are honestly and openly. It can allow you to be vulnerable without the fear of judgment. The support of the right people can be instrumental in achieving your goals and aspirations. Receiving feedback and different perspectives can be incredibly valuable. It empowers you to make choices that align with your goals and desires. Supportive people can serve as accountability partners to keep you on track when you get off course and help you to become the best version of yourself.

The Power of Authenticity

I have learned the best way to live life is authentically. We might feel pressure from society, friends, or even family to change who we are to meet their expectations, but it costs us our authenticity. Our authenticity is our superpower. We can embrace that power by staying true to who we are. Authenticity encompasses knowing our values, embracing our true selves, releasing the need for approval, practicing self-compassion, and surrounding ourselves with supportive people.

In life, there comes a time when you must end one chapter before starting another. My experiences have taught me that such endings are crucial for personal development. We evolve by releasing what no longer serves us. Closing one door paves the way for new opportunities. It also sets the stage for healing when we choose to move forward. I want to share how ending a friendship helped me to realize how necessary endings are.

Endings Can Be Hard

Recently, I made the tough decision to end a friendship. Over the years, I had grown close to this person, but it became clear that the friendship was not contributing to my personal growth anymore. It’s like gardening; you prune away the old to encourage new growth. Letting go of this friendship was hard, but it sparked a period of personal development. Although I lost a friend, I learned an invaluable lesson: the qualities I sought in a friend were ones I could cultivate within myself. As we change and grow, holding on to relationships that no longer serve us can be more of a hindrance than a help. This ending was a pivotal moment for my own growth and healing journey.

Endings Can Be Healing

Ending my friendship was painful, yet it led to healing. I learned to be a better friend to myself and embraced self-compassion through self-forgiveness. I forgave myself for settling for less and not speaking up about my needs. This forgiveness led to a new belief: I deserve to have my needs met. It empowered me to set new standards for future friendships. I wrote down the lessons and embraced the importance of communication and shared values. I believe the reason for that friendship was to heal and discover that I was worth having what I wanted.

Endings Can Be Transformative

An ending can also mark the start of something more promising. Sometimes, ending a relationship, job, partnership, or a limiting belief is necessary to open up space for better opportunities. The end of the friendship was the beginning of a better relationship with myself. With more time, I understood myself better and fostered internal happiness. This transformation made me a better individual and fueled my passion. If you’re contemplating ending something and feeling hesitant or scared, consider the possibility of something greater awaiting you. Letting go of what no longer benefits you creates space for new possibilities that may exceed what you could have ever imagined.

Endings are a natural part of life, serving several purposes. They can facilitate growth, offer a chance to heal, and pave the way for better beginnings. Consider what you might need to end in your life that no longer benefits you. What aspects of your life no longer align with who you are? It could be a job, a business, a relationship, or even a belief. It could be necessary to consider what in your life you need to end today.

The relationship with ourselves is one of the most important relationships we will ever have because it is lifelong. It is important for us to devote time and effort to improving it. As your relationship with yourself improves, you will feel more content and fulfilled. Cultivating a better relationship with ourselves includes understanding who we are, practicing self-compassion, establishing boundaries, and refraining from comparison.

Enhancing Self-Awareness

One of the first ways we can improve our relationship with ourselves is by being self-aware. We can become self-aware by knowing our values, strengths, and weaknesses. A strong sense of self is like having an internal compass that guides you in the right direction.

You can make better decisions when you know your core values. Dedicate some time to identify your top five values and take action to align with them. It is also beneficial to know your strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledge the things you are great at and improve the areas you are weak in. Weaknesses are not bad. They are simply part of being human. Be aware of your weaknesses, but don’t dwell on them. Take time to appreciate your strengths. Concentrating on your strengths can increase your confidence, and working on your weaknesses can foster growth.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion can be instrumental in building a loving relationship with ourselves. I’ve discovered that practicing self-compassion has facilitated my personal growth, whereas being harsh on myself has hindered it. Research has shown that self-compassion leads to a growth mindset. When we have self-compassion, we acknowledge our mistakes and find ways to improve. Self-compassion is about striving to be better, not perfect. It is OK to make mistakes. It is OK to have imperfections. Self-compassion means allowing yourself to embrace your humanity. It is about extending yourself grace when you need it. It is about forgiving yourself for past mistakes. It’s about being patient with yourself. Remember that you’re putting forth your best effort and can always aim for progress.

Setting Boundaries

Another way we can improve our relationship with ourselves is by establishing boundaries. Psychologist Nedra Tawwab describes boundaries as expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Guilt can often prevent us from setting boundaries because we may believe it is mean or selfish. Or the other person might react negatively to a boundary we have. We can combat this by challenging our beliefs around what we perceive as mean or selfish. We can be kind and still have boundaries. We can also recognize that we cannot control how people respond to our boundaries.

Establishing boundaries with yourself is crucial as well. Boundaries for yourself may look like saying no to things you don’t want to do or being honest with yourself. Implementing boundaries with yourself and others fosters a secure space for you to present your best self.

Resisting the Urge to Compare

Comparison is the thief of joy. We don’t need to measure up to the standards of others. We need to create standards that align with who we are. It is easy to compare our lives to others on social media and assume they have a better life. However, that person likely faces struggles you may not be aware of. We only have access to what people show us. If you constantly compare yourself to others, consider taking a break from social media. Instead of outsourcing your worth through comparisons, remind yourself that your worth is innate. Shift from comparison to what you value.

Investing in You

Relationships require work, and it is important to consider putting more effort into the one you have with yourself. We will always have complete control over this relationship, and enhancing our relationship with ourselves leads to inner peace and contentment. I encourage you to invest time in improving your relationship with yourself by understanding who you are, practicing self-compassion, establishing boundaries, and refraining from comparison.

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Happiness is a direction not a destination. How happy you feel can indicate whether or not you are on the right track. I have found that there are daily choices that we can make to feel happier in life. The journey to becoming happy begins with nurturing both your mind and body. I’ve discovered that practicing gratitude, engaging in physical activity, prioritizing adequate sleep, and seeking therapy can all contribute to a happy life.

The Power of Gratitude

The daily practice of gratitude can make you feel 12% happier. There are several ways to cultivate gratitude. You can start by jotting down three things you are grateful for each day in a journal. Another option is to make a gratitude jar with little notes of appreciation that you look at every day. Or you can express gratitude to your loved ones daily. In a few months, you will notice how much happier you feel. Serotonin and dopamine play a role as they are neurotransmitters that increase happiness. Gratitude is a powerful tool because it rewires our brains and promotes a more positive outlook, leading to a happier life.

The Joy of Movement

Physical activity can increase your level of happiness. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins. These endorphins often lead to feeling good. It only takes 10 minutes of exercise to boost your mood. Aerobic exercises such as walking, dancing, and cycling can reduce anxiety and depression. Consider taking a walk outdoors to help elevate your serotonin levels. Being active outdoors gives you exposure to the sunlight, boosting serotonin levels and triggering feelings of happiness. As you become more active, you’ll see an increase in your energy and an improvement in your mood.

Sleep Better, Feel Better

The quality of sleep we have can also impact how happy we feel. Experts recommend at least 7-9 hours of sleep a night. When we do not get enough sleep, this can lead to feeling tired and irritable the next day. Our body needs to recharge to perform at an optimal level. It may be good to develop good sleep hygiene. You can do this by having a bedtime routine, setting a bedtime schedule, and exercising in the morning. If you are having trouble sleeping, consider consulting with your doctor to address the underlying cause.

Therapy for a Happier Life

Therapy can be another powerful tool for feeling happier. Life stressors can often prevent us from enjoying life. A licensed therapist can help you to create boundaries to reduce stress and feel better. They can also diagnose mental disorders that may be affecting your mental well-being. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective way to treat depression and anxiety. This type of treatment involves challenging unhelpful beliefs. When we shift our mindset, we can change our behaviors. The actions we take can lead us to feeling happier.

The Key to Happiness

Our mind and body play a role in the quality of life we experience. It is important to prioritize our mental and physical well-being to feel happier. Gratitude, therapy, sleep, and exercise influence how happy we feel. By managing these aspects, we create a path towards a healthy and happy life.