Category: Self Care

Treat yourself how you want others to treat you. When you think about how you treat yourself, is it the same way you want others to treat you? If you are critical of yourself, how would you feel if someone was critical of you? I believe having the relationships you want starts with treating yourself better.

You Deserve Kindness

How often do you criticize yourself? Many may not realize how critical they are of themselves. Negative self-talk is not only unkind but unhelpful to your personal growth. While you might believe being hard on yourself helps you grow, it can limit your growth. You deserve to be spoken to with love and kindness. You may be imperfect, but you are not defective. Instead of criticizing yourself, practice self-compassion.

Recognize Your Greatness

How do you respond to compliments? Many people who are hard on themselves find it difficult to accept positive feedback. They might often downplay their strengths or doubt their greatness. Some people may struggle to recognize their greatness because they spend so much time criticizing themselves. You are as great as people say you are. Everyone isn’t lying. But every time you deny your greatness, you are lying to yourself.

You Are Enough

When was the last time you compared yourself to someone? Often, we want to see how we measure up to someone, but why? We can never measure up to another person because we are unique. We have unique talents, strengths, and dreams. Why measure up to someone when you can just be you? There is an opportunity for you to make a difference in this world. And it starts with you being exactly who you are.

Accept Who You Are

What judgments do you have about yourself? We often judge ourselves for being different. Or we might judge ourselves from past mistakes. I want you to challenge the judgment you might have about yourself. If you judge yourself for being different, I want you to know that there is beauty in being you. If you judge yourself for past mistakes, I want you to know there is strength in being imperfect.

Your Needs Matter

How often do you put yourself first? For some people, it is rare. You might value the needs of others over your own. But your needs matter also. You deserve to care, and it starts with developing a self-care practice. One loving thing you can do to start is to become more comfortable with saying no. Saying no is not selfish; it is self-care.

Final Thoughts

I hope this post inspires you to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Stop downplaying your strengths, comparing yourself to others, judging or criticizing who you are, and neglecting your needs. You teach people how to treat you. Make sure the way you treat yourself is reflective of how you want others to treat you.

How are you doing? This question often gets asked by strangers, but when is the last time you ask yourself this question honestly? When was the last time you took a moment to reflect on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being? It is easy to get distracted by your job, friends, and family that you do not realize how unwell you are. Prioritizing your overall well-being begins with a simple question: How are you doing?

Acknowledge Your Feelings

How are you doing? You might say you are fine. But I have a follow-up question for you. How have you been feeling lately? Is it sad, scared, disappointed, excited, or happy? Whatever emotion it is, acknowledge it. By asking this question, you are checking in on your emotional well-being. Our emotions play an essential part in our overall well-being. If you are having a hard time, consider reaching out to others for support.

Monitor Your Thoughts

A study shows that the average person has over 6,000 thoughts a day. Another way to check in with yourself is by asking yourself: what has been on my mind lately? It is often your thoughts that affect how you feel and behave. If you are constantly worried about the future, you might be dealing with anxiety. Or if you frequently have negative thoughts about yourself, you might have low self-esteem. Consider journaling to become more mindful of your thought patterns.

Listen to Your Body

How much energy do you have? Another way you can check in with how well you are doing is by checking in with your body. Often, it is your body that is telling you to take a break, to get more sleep, or to get some fresh air. Your physical health and your mental health are connected. If you are tired, it might be your body’s way of letting you know you need a break. Or maybe you are dealing with digestive issues, then it might be a symptom of anxiety or stress. By checking in with your body, you are checking in with your mental health.

Take Time to Reflect

How are you doing goes beyond a simple answer. It involves understanding your mental, emotional, and physical health. Taking time to be reflective is one of the first steps in prioritizing your well-being. Make sure you are doing well in all areas of your health.

Most people want to be happy, but not many people are. While you might believe you are unhappy because you have yet to reach a particular goal in life or have not found your person, happiness is internal. While relationships, money, and material possessions can enhance your happiness, they cannot sustain it. Instead, happiness comes from within. It is about creating a life centered around your values.

Looking Externally

Relationships can increase happiness, but they cannot sustain it. In the honeymoon stage of relationships, it is pure bliss. Some people say they are on cloud 9 when they are in love. This high that people experience comes from the release of dopamine. Like any high, it will eventually wear off. For many couples, the honeymoon stage does not last forever. You cannot rely on another person to keep you happy.

While people may believe the right person can make you happy, a relationship cannot maintain your happiness. When you place your happiness in the hands of another person, you might be heartbroken when the relationship does not work out. Instead, it is good to have gratitude for the relationship and understand that you are responsible for your happiness. You can take control of your happiness by knowing your values.

Going Inwardly

Happiness is internal, and it starts with knowing what matters to you. Identifying your top 5-10 values can lead to a more fulfilling life. You cannot find happiness by living out someone else dreams. Creating a life you can enjoy starts with being authentic. It is about doing things that you love because they matter to you. You are unique, and what makes you happy might look different from someone else.

The Formula for Happiness

As much as external things can impact your emotions, you have a baseline for happiness. How happy you generally feel is predominately internal. One study shows that 50% of our happiness is genetics, 40% is mindset and personal choice, and 10% is life circumstances. Just think about the happiest time in your life. Now, think about how ecstatic you were when the event happened and how that emotion evolved as time passed. The level of happiness you felt before eventually returns to its baseline.

Happiness is a choice. Your mindset and choices play a significant role in how you feel. The daily practice of gratitude can help you develop a positive outlook and an internal locus of control. When you can be grateful for what you have, you have more appreciation for life. You also cultivate happiness through the choices you make. Being more intentional about taking actions that align with your values makes a difference.

I hope that this post will help you find what happiness looks like for you. I believe the best place to start is inward. You hold the key to your happiness, and it is up to you to unlock it.

Have you ever turned to food for comfort when you felt stressed, bored, or sad? If you have, you are not alone. This behavior is known as emotional eating. While food can provide temporary relief, using it to manage challenging emotions can negatively impact your physical and mental health. To combat emotional eating, consider drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthy alternatives, and managing stress effectively.

Stay Hydrated

How much water are you drinking? Experts recommend you drink 8 cups of water per day. Drinking water not only keeps you hydrated but can also help you distinguish between hunger and thirst. Many people mistake thirst for hunger, which can lead to overeating. Before reaching for a snack, drink a glass of water. If you are still hungry, this indicates that your body needs food. While drinking water does provide physical benefits, it also improves mood and cognitive function. Consider increasing your water intake if you are not already drinking enough.

Mindfulness

How mindful are you about the food you eat? Maybe you had moments where you were still hungry after a meal because you ate too quickly, or you were too busy to cook and ended up getting fast food. You can be more mindful by slowing down, focusing on your food, and eliminating distractions. Keeping a food journal or meal prepping in advance can help you make healthier eating choices and prevent impulsive eating. With a little more awareness, you can enjoy food without the guilt that comes from emotional eating.

Healthy Alternatives

Practicing mindfulness starts with making healthier choices at the grocery store. It begins by purchasing more fruits and vegetables while limiting junk food. Keeping your home free of junk food helps prevent overindulgence. If you crave something crunchy, consider snacking on almonds or celery sticks. Or maybe if it is something sweet, you might consider eating fresh fruit. You do not need to eliminate junk food unless advised by a doctor. It is all about having comfort foods in moderation.

Manage Stress

If you are feeling stressed, it is important not to use food to avoid managing your emotions. One of the first steps in resolving a problem is acknowledging it. Start by identifying areas in your life that are causing stress. Writing these down and developing strategies to address each one can help. While some stressors may be out of your control, you can control how you respond to them. Though comfort foods might temporarily ease your stress, eating foods like leafy greens, fatty fish, and whole grains can help your body manage stress more effectively.

To Conclude

I hope this post can help you to be more mindful of your relationship with food. While emotional eating is common, there are ways to overcome it. Strategies like drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthier alternatives, and managing stress can help you maintain a healthy relationship with food.

When you see confident people, do you ever wonder what makes them confident? Do you believe it is because of how attractive they are? Do you believe it is because of how smart they are? Have you ever considered that it may be an internal reason people are confident? The truth is confidence comes from within. It is believing in one’s ability. Now that you recognize confidence comes from within, let’s focus on how to cultivate it.

Embodying Confidence

While you might believe attractiveness is what makes a person confident, it is confidence that makes someone attractive. A great illustration of this is in Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman. She acknowledges that it is not her looks that make her attractive but how she carries herself. While physical attractiveness may catch someone’s attention, confidence commands it. From her poem, you learn that confidence comes from within and is evident as soon as you walk into a room. It is about holding your head high, walking with ease, and showing your smile.

Knowing Yourself

Confidence comes from knowing yourself. Do you know what your strengths are? Confident people are not confident because they lack weaknesses. They are confident because they do not focus on their weaknesses. Like everyone, you have things you are good at and areas you can improve. Being aware of your weaknesses and working on them can help build confidence. A confident person sees value even in their imperfections because they recognize the opportunity to grow. Additionally, focusing on talents and abilities can boost your confidence.

Surrounding Yourself with Confident People

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This quote is powerful because it shows how relationships can influence who you can become. Surrounding yourself with secure people shows you what confidence looks like. You also have the opportunity to allow your light to shine. When you can show up and not worry about how others perceive you, you are building confidence. It is also helpful to have supportive people around you. Choose people who ignite your light and not dim it.

Final Thoughts

I hope that my words have helped you to build your confidence. Remember, confidence comes from within. It is something you embody. It also grows from knowing yourself and surrounding yourself with confident people.

Self-compassion is a concept I once misunderstood. I thought that by being kind to myself, I was being dishonest about how great I was. But I soon realized that denying my greatness was not being honest either. In this post, I want to share what self-compassion is and is not. I encourage you to practice self-compassion more, as it can be instrumental in accepting who you are. 

My Worth is Innate

Self-compassion is not just about saying nice things to feel better about my failures. It is about acknowledging that I can have failures and still be a worthwhile person. I am learning not to measure my worth by failure or success. I am not less worthy when I fail or more worthy when I succeed. Despite my failures, I am worthy, and no amount of success can make me worthy. Self-compassion taught me that my worth is innate. 

I Have Flaws

Self-compassion is not about denying my flaws. It is about accepting my flaws as part of who I am. My imperfections make me more relatable and real. When I strive to be perfect, I become less authentic. It is through my imperfections that I can grow. I have strengths and weaknesses. Neither is better than the other. I benefit from both.

My Standards

Self-compassion is not setting the bar low. It is about creating a standard that works for me and not against me. Expectations based on someone else’s standards can be damaging. I do not need to measure up to who people expect me to be. I can live by who I want to be. Who I want to be is more important than who I think I should be. 

My Emotions

Self-compassion is not about avoiding painful emotions. It is about accepting how I feel. It is easy to embrace emotions that are deemed positive, such as happiness. But I do not always feel happy. I feel sad sometimes. Self-compassion teaches me to appreciate all emotions because each carries valuable insights. While emotions do not define me, they have helped me to understand the world around me. 

Final Thoughts

Self-compassion has helped me to have a more loving and honest relationship with myself. Through this self-love journey, I better understand what self-compassion is and how important it is. Self-compassion is rooted in love. Love is kind. I hope this post inspires you to be more kind to yourself. 

Although the holidays tend to be the happiest time of year for me, I recognize that, for some people, this time can bring sadness—from grief to seasonal depression. The holidays are not a joyful time for everyone, and I want to take a moment to say that however you feel, it is valid. It is okay not to feel happy, even during this season. Fortunately, grief and joy can coexist, and you can still find moments of joy despite how you feel. To help with that, I want to share some things that may bring you more joy this season.

Gratitude

Thanksgiving is often seen as a time to reflect on what you are grateful for, but gratitude isn’t limited to this holiday. It is something that you can practice every day. It is showing thanks in the small things such as being able to enjoy a meal. Or in the big things like being alive another day. Gratitude is how you can invite more joy into your life. Gratitude is what keeps you hopeful when times are tough. Gratitude helps you to have a more positive outlook on life. When you can learn to be grateful despite your circumstances, you experience more joy.

Do Something You Enjoy

Another way to experience more joy during the holidays is by doing what you love. For me, a cup of hot chocolate and a good Christmas movie work wonders, but what brings you joy might be different. It could be decorating a Christmas tree, cooking a warm meal, or even something completely unrelated to the holidays. The holidays are yours to shape—you can choose which traditions to follow, what food you want to enjoy, and how you want to spend your time. If it brings you joy, then do it. You have every right to have joy.

The Power of Giving

Giving is another way to experience joy. Giving is not just about spending money; it involves serving those who need it. Sometimes, giving to others can remind you how impactful you can be in someone’s life. This realization can help take your mind off yourself and on how you can make a difference. Seeing joy in others can help you to find joy from within.

Prioritize Connection

As the days grow colder and the nights longer, it is tempting to stay in. However, getting enough sunlight and maintaining connections are important during this time. One way to stay connected with yourself is by prioritizing your physical and mental health. If you are struggling, consider making an appointment with a therapist for support. Also, stay connected with others—whether attending a holiday party at work, calling a friend, or spending time with family. These connections are essential to your well-being.

Closing

The holidays are typically a time of celebration, but not everyone enjoys this time of year. If you feel sad during this time, I hope you know you are not alone and it is okay to feel sadness. I also hope you can find joy in practicing gratitude, doing things you love, giving to others, and staying connected. Happy Holidays! Wishing you joy this season!

Your childhood plays a crucial role in shaping who you become as an adult. Your experiences during these years shape your beliefs, behaviors, and self-worth, with your relationship with your parent playing a key role in how you view yourself. Unfortunately, if you didn’t have parents who provided guidance, love, and protection, you may carry unresolved childhood wounds into adulthood. One way to heal these wounds is through the process of reparenting yourself.

Develop Self-Love 

The love that you deserve is not limited to what you received as a child. When you have been emotionally neglected as a child, this can cause you to feel inadequate, insecure, and unlovable. Although this is a false perception, it can be difficult for adults with these wounds to challenge these beliefs. Your parents may have played a role in how you see yourself then, but you play a role in how you see yourself now. You are worthy and deserving of love. 

Be The Parent You Needed 

When you think about your childhood, what was lacking? Was it protection, love, or guidance? Once you have the answer, consider how you can fulfill those needs. For instance, if you lacked protection during childhood, how can you protect yourself in adulthood? This can mean setting boundaries, speaking up for yourself, and surrounding yourself with supportive people. If love from your parents was lacking, consider some self-care practices. If guidance from your parents was lacking, find a mentor, a therapist, or a pastor who can support you. 

Grieve The Parent You Didn’t Have 

The final stage of grief is acceptance, but before you can get here, it is important to process how you feel. How did it feel to be neglected or abandoned as a child? How did it feel to be unprotected by your parents? How did it feel to be invalidated? How did it feel to be unsupported? What emotions are coming up for you? Is it anger, sadness, disguise, or disappointment? Allow yourself to feel those emotions. I would also suggest processing this with a trusted person because grief can be heavy. Allow your inner child to be heard. You deserve to express your pain. You deserve to release the pain you have been carrying around for years. 

Cultivate Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships are essential to reparenting, as they provide a positive example of how relationships should be. Through these relationships, you realize that your parent’s inability to meet your needs reflects their capacity and not your worth. You were always worthy, even if you did not receive the love you needed as a child. Having positive and supportive people can help you heal your inner child by creating an environment where you feel safe, understood, and worthy of love. Healthy relationships can help you develop new belief systems and patterns of behaviors that serve you in a positive way. You learn that as an adult you have a choice about who you develop a relationship with. You also recognize that building healthy relationships is the catalyst to healing your inner child.

Transformative Journey

In conclusion, reparenting is a transformative process where you take on the role of the supportive, loving parent you may not have had during childhood. You show up for yourself by developing self-love, meeting your needs, processing your emotions, accepting what was and cultivating healthy relationships. Ultimately, reparenting empowers you to become the person you needed growing up. As you become this person, you begin to heal your childhood wounds.

We are social creatures, and being connected to people is an innate need. However, there are moments when we need to reconnect with ourselves, and this is where solitude is essential. Unlike isolation, which signifies a disconnection from ourselves and others, solitude offers an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. Knowing how to differentiate between the two is critical because one can transform you, while the other can have negative effects.

Are You Isolating?

When facing a challenging time, who do you turn to for support? Some individuals have supportive people in their lives, but they might not feel comfortable relying on them for help. Many suffer in silence because they fear vulnerability, believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness. As a result, they struggle to express themselves and often isolate themselves from others in times of distress. This isolation prevents them from receiving the support they need to overcome challenges and fosters the false belief that they can’t rely on people. In reality, the support we receive from others builds our resilience, enabling us to navigate difficult times more effectively.

Are You Dealing with Depression? 

Some people isolate because they are dealing with depression. It is not always easy to reach out for support when you are depressed. Depression can take a toll on your mental and physical health as well. Some symptoms of depression include: 

• Depressed mood 
• Feeling worthless  
• Lack of motivation 
• Sleep disturbances 
• Fatigue, tiredness, or loss of energy  
• Loss of interest in hobbies and activities 
• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
• Difficulty concentrating 

Are You Dealing with Social Anxiety?

Another reason people isolate is because they have anxiety about social interactions. You might be afraid of being rejected or judged by others. This fear can make social situations overwhelming and cause you to avoid them. 

 Cognitive symptoms:

• Fearing situations where you don’t know other people
• Worrying that you will be judged by others
• Fear of becoming embarrassed or being humiliated
• Thinking that others will notice your anxiety
• Dreading upcoming events weeks in advance

Physical symptoms:

• Blushing
• Profuse sweating
• Trembling hands
• Muscle tension
• Racing heart

Breaking Free from Isolation 

People isolate themselves for various reasons, which is not always best for our well-being. It is important to stay connected with ourselves and others to experience a healthy and fulfilling life. When we isolate, we disconnect from ourselves, which can lead us to feel lonely, depressed, and anxious. Instead, we must stay connected with ourselves and reach out to the people who can support us. If we do not have that support, we can find it through local communities, therapy, church, or online support groups.  

Embracing Solitude 

Unlike isolation, solitude is an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves. During our time alone, we can use it to self-reflect, foster creativity, and gain clarity. We can express ourselves through journaling or engaging in creative outlets. Through these forms of expression, we can explore our thoughts and emotions more deeply, leading to transformation. Consider taking time out of your day to journal about the following: 

• What challenges am I facing? 
• What actions can I take to achieve my goals and dreams? 
• What beliefs or behaviors are preventing me from living the life I want? 
• What values do I need to prioritize more in my life? 
• What are some past experiences that have shaped my approach to relationships?
• What fears or beliefs keep me from reaching out to others?
• What do I need more in my life right now? 
• When was the last time I felt happy? 
• Where do I want to be one year from now? 
• What is my purpose? 

These questions can help you gain clarity and discover new things about yourself.

Final Thoughts 

When we isolate ourselves, we disconnect from the world and our needs. But solitude can help us reconnect with who we are. It is a chance to gain insights and make positive changes for our growth. Being alone is not a bad thing. It is more about how you choose to spend your time alone.

Photo by Mikoto from Pexels

Loneliness is more common than you may think. Almost half of Americans feel lonely. If you are experiencing loneliness, know that you are not alone. Loneliness does not have to be a state of permanence. You can overcome it by taking actions that help you to connect with yourself and others. Some ways to connect include reaching out to friends, joining a class or club, talking to a therapist, finding a support group, and embracing solitude. 

You Are Not Alone

Feeling lonely is a common experience and not something to be embarrassed about. At some point in life, many people feel lonely. One of the first things you can do is reach out.

Reach Out to Your Friends

If you have friends, let them know when you are feeling sad. By sharing your feelings, your friends can offer the support you need. Make plans with your friends and express to them how important it is to stay connected. Also, consider mutual friends that you may have or old friends you haven’t spoken with for a while. Taking this one step can help you feel connected again.

Join a Class or Club

You might not have many friends you can talk to, but that doesn’t mean you should suffer alone. Consider ways you can make new friends. One of the best ways to meet new people is by joining a class or club related to your hobbies. You can improve your odds of making new connections by attending a class regularly. You can join a fitness class. You can join a book club. You can try the meet-up app. Or even start your own class. Although I know this might be helpful advice for some, I recognize that some individuals face obstacles that make socializing challenging. Seeking therapy can be beneficial if you feel that your mental health is hindering your ability to form new friendships.

Find a Therapist

Depression and social anxiety can be a barrier to making the connections you desire. You might not have the motivation to make new friends because you are dealing with depression. Or you might have anxiety that causes you to avoid social settings. It often requires professional counseling before you can navigate new relationships. A therapist can provide a safe space for you to express yourself and provide you with the right tools to manage anxiety and depression. Some people may be reluctant to admit they need help because they believe it is a weakness. On the contrary, it demonstrates tremendous strength and courage when admitting you need support. It may not be easy to reach out, but remember it is important to prioritize your mental health.

Join a Support Group

Sometimes, connecting with others who may share the same challenges can help you to feel less alone. Support groups also provide a safe space for people to open up. Someone might share an experience that you have gone through. It can be validating to know that you can relate to other people. You may even learn from others how to cope in similar circumstances. You can find support groups through online searches, healthcare providers, nonprofit organizations, and local community resources.

Embrace Solitude

Solitude can be a gift to reconnect you to yourself. Prioritize a self-care activity like journaling. Writing in a journal can help you process your feelings, develop self-awareness, and gain clarity. Through self-reflection, you can identify the root cause of your loneliness and work towards resolving it. Being alone can also be enjoyable. Consider doing things you enjoy, such as reading a book or watching your favorite show. Solitude can also help you to discover new passions like photography, cooking, and creative writing.

Final Thoughts

The key to overcoming loneliness is to reconnect with yourself and others. You can achieve this by reaching out to friends, joining a class, finding a therapist, attending a support group, and embracing solitude. You are not alone. You don’t have to deal with loneliness by yourself. Get the support you need. Because your mental health matters!