Author: mentalinventory_85fu6v

Why You Should Ask Hard Questions

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I love learning new things, and listening to Michelle Obama’s latest podcast kept my attention. I paused the episode several times to write down all the gems she shared alongside her guest, Elaine. They offered so much wisdom that it made me reflect on a powerful question: Why are hard questions key to finding what you truly want? After thinking about it, I came up with five reasons, and I’d love to share them with you.

Reason 1 – You determine who the right people are for you:

Asking questions isn’t about interrogating someone; it’s about getting to know them and deciding if they’re a good fit for you. Michelle points out that you don’t need to ask everything right away, but once you’re serious about someone, it’s a good time to start asking the tough questions. You’ll want to understand their vision for the future and whether it aligns with yours. While love is important, shared values are crucial for determining compatibility and long-term happiness. The reality is that even if you love someone if your values and future goals don’t align, the relationship likely won’t bring the happiness you desire.

Reason 2 – You establish clear communication: 

Asking the right questions helps you understand how a person communicates and how comfortable they are with tough conversations. You’ve probably heard that communication is key to any healthy relationship. I liked how Michelle emphasized that if you’re unable to express yourself openly in a relationship, it could be a sign that the person may not be the right fit for you. If they become defensive, it shows they might not be ready for honest dialogue, which can be a red flag early on. Since communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship, it’s important to pay attention to how someone reacts to your questions and concerns.

Reason 3 – You can make better decisions:

I loved the quote Elaine shared: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” I encourage you to ask questions to see who people are. The answers you receive can reveal whether or not it is best to stay or move on. While you might have a fantasy, asking the right questions gives you a reality check. You might have someone you love, but you recognize that your values and life goals conflict. Instead of hoping you can change them, accept that they may not be the right person for you. Be willing to let go to create space for the right person.

Reason 4 – You gain clarity:

The best way to gain clarity is to ask questions rather than make assumptions. Many people believe others will change, but unless someone explicitly states and shows they are committed to change, don’t expect it. Instead, consider whether who they are right now is enough for you to be happy and fulfilled in the long run. You can only determine that by understanding your values, beliefs, goals, and dreams. Think about your values, beliefs, goals, and dreams. Do you have someone who supports what you want? It is critical to have clarity around this question because who you choose to be with is a significant decision.

Reason 5 – You become more confident asking for what you need: 

Michelle encourages women to practice asking for what they want. She points out we might have a hard time asking for what we want because we are afraid of the answer. Maybe you’re afraid to hear that they can’t give you what you want. Or you’re afraid they will judge you for what you need. But she points out beautifully that the answer reveals whether or not they are a good fit for you. The answer doesn’t make you less deserving. It just means the person wasn’t for you. Better to know now than later.

If someone can’t give you what you want or judges you for what you want, they are not your person. I know that rejection can be painful, but what is more painful is missing out on what you deserve. You cannot miss out on what you are willing to wait for. If you recognize that someone isn’t right for you, be willing to wait for someone better.

Closing Remarks

I hope that as you get to know new people, you don’t forget to ask the hard questions. While it may be uncomfortable, asking hard questions is essential to determining who is a good fit for you. It also establishes clear communication, provides clarity, and leads to better decisions. Regardless of the answer you receive, remember you deserve what you want. If the answer doesn’t fit what you want, be willing to let go to create space for what you desire.

How High Is Your Self-Esteem?

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A person who believes they are worthy has high self-esteem, while someone who doesn’t recognize their worth may struggle with low self-esteem. Self-esteem is our ability to recognize our worth. In the above scenario, both individuals are worthy, but only one knows their worth. If you want to build your self-esteem, it starts by recognizing your worth, identifying what makes you valuable, and surrounding yourself with like-minded people.

You Are Worthy

It saddens me to think that some people don’t feel good about themselves because of what someone said to them or what they have been through. None of these things define who you are or determine your value as a person. You are more than what happened to you. You are more than what people say about you. I want you to know you are worthy. You will always be worthy, and that is something that no experience or person can change. You have an inherent worth.

Identify Your Innate Talents

Have you ever considered what makes you valuable? I challenge you to think beyond your achievements and identify your innate talent. Think about things you are naturally great at. Maybe you stay calm under pressure or have an optimistic perspective on life. We all possess unique traits and abilities that can positively impact others, no matter how small they may seem. Recognizing and embracing these qualities is the first step to understanding your value.

Build Positive Relationships

The people you choose to spend time with can affect how you see yourself. When building your self-esteem, it is important to surround yourself with positive and supportive people. You want to be around people who notice and appreciate your value. You also want to be accepted for who you are because you are enough. Surrounding yourself with the right people can reaffirm that you are worthy of love.

Final Thoughts

If you want to have high self-esteem, it starts with knowing that you are worthy already, identifying what makes you valuable, and surrounding yourself with like-minded people. I hope this post will help you to feel good about who you are because you are inherently worthy.

What Are Your Secrets?

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We all have secrets—things we keep to ourselves or only share with a select few. Sometimes, we hide these secrets because we feel ashamed of something we did or said. The painful part is that these secrets can make us believe that there’s something inherently wrong with us. But the truth is, our shame often prevents us from embracing the full complexity of who we are. It’s in accepting all parts of ourselves that we begin to heal.

Shame Doesn’t Define You

The lie that shame tells us is that who we are is wrong rather than that what we did is wrong. There is a distinction between these two ideas. One defines you as a person, while the other focuses on your actions. You can change your behavior. Instead of being defined by what you did, get curious about why you acted the way you did. Allow yourself to be complex. For instance, you could have said something hurtful during an argument, and now you are judging yourself. Instead, take accountability for what you did, apologize, and choose to do better next time.

Embrace Imperfection

While one moment can be defining, it doesn’t determine who you are. You are more than your past mistakes. In life, you will make mistakes because you are not perfect. These mistakes are part of being human and do not define your worth. Shame may make you believe that your mistakes make you defective or inadequate, but remember, imperfections are a natural part of who you are—they do not make you less worthy.

Be Vulnerable

You might think hiding who you are keeps you safe. While that can be true to some extent, it can also prevent people from fully knowing who you are. What if you knew people would accept the parts of you that you’re ashamed of? The freedom to be yourself and to be loved just as you are is healing. It doesn’t have to start with a big secret. It can start with more openness and vulnerability about who you are.

Final Thoughts

Shame is not an easy emotion to deal with. However, it is something we experience at some point in life. You are not alone in this experience. I want you to know that shame doesn’t define you. Nothing is wrong with you. Allow yourself to be imperfect because that’s part of being human. Remember, you are always worthy.

Why Is It Important to Enjoy the Process?

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Many people believe achieving a goal will make them happy. But they don’t realize the joy in the process. Your goal or dream might not bring you the happiness you think it will. Instead of finding our happiness in an external outcome, we can shift our perspective to focus on the process. By doing this, we learn to appreciate the small moments in life and better manage our expectations.

Shift Your Perspective

Imagine getting everything you want and still not being fulfilled. You might think achieving a milestone will bring happiness, but that’s not always true. Sometimes, the expectations that you tie to a goal or dream might not bring lasting happiness. The reality is that happiness comes from within and is something you can work towards daily. Rather than waiting for happiness to come externally, focus on shifting your perspective inward.

It is important to shift your perspective from the outcome to the process. You cannot control the outcome, but you can control the process. There is joy in the process. Let’s say you want to get promoted at work. The promotion is the outcome, but the process is honing your skills and gaining experience. These two things are going to help you transition into that new role. There is joy in growing professionally that a job title cannot give you.

Find the Joy

The way that you find joy in the process is by realizing that no person or opportunity can give you what you cannot give yourself. If you can not be happy where you are, you won’t be happy when you make it to where you want to go. When you place your happiness in external things, you will be disappointed. Life isn’t always predictable and it is important to be flexible. By being happy with where you are now, you can maintain that happiness as you work toward where you want to be.

Final Takeaways

The next time you set a goal, I want you to find ways to enjoy the process. While it is great to reach milestones, there is joy in the small moments. You might think you need something or someone to be happy, but this is a misconception. Instead, you can find everything you need within. I hope you enjoy the process more on your way to achieving your goals and dreams.

What is your Biggest Life Lesson?

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There is one lesson that stands as the biggest thing I’ve learned. Learning that my worth is innate shifted how I view and feel about who I am. This realization has changed how I approach challenges, relationships, and opportunities. I am grateful to have learned this lesson and happy to share it with you. Now, I want to know what your biggest life lesson is.

My Worthy is Innate

I want to share this lesson with you because it can transform your life. The belief that my worth is innate wasn’t something I learned overnight. There was a time when I believed my worth had to be earned—through how I looked, what I could do, and who others expected me to be. With time, I learned that my worth is not dependent on external factors. It’s not something I have to earn; it’s already within me, awaiting discovery.

I Am Enough

I’ve realized my worth is inherent, not something I need to earn. My worth is defined by me, not by my successes or failures. I am worthy, regardless of what I can or cannot do. I also know that another person doesn’t determine my worth. If someone doesn’t like me, it doesn’t make me any less worthy. If someone can’t accept me, it doesn’t affect my self-worth. Who I am is enough for the right people.

I Am Already Valuable

Believing that my worth is innate is empowering because it makes me feel deserving of the life I want. I’m grateful that I recognized my worth before fulfilling my desires. If I had gotten what I wanted before understanding that my worth is inherent, I would have believed those things validated my value. While fulfilling my desires adds value to my life, it doesn’t add value to me, because I am already valuable. I realize that making my dreams a reality isn’t confirmation that I am enough. The only confirmation I need is already within me.

Final Takeaways

When you reflect on your biggest life lessons, I hope the lesson I shared will be one of many. Your worth isn’t something you need to earn; it’s something you realize. I hope you can discover your inherent worth. Now that I’ve shared my lesson, I hope you’ll feel inspired to share yours.

Where Do You Want to Be 5 Years from Now?

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We all have goals in life, but how far ahead do you think about them? Do you know where you want to be one year from now? What about five years from now? While we can’t predict the future, we can plan for it. Imagine who you want to be, how you want to feel, and where you want to be five years from now. Once you have those answers, you’ll have a clear vision for your future.

The last time I wrote down long-term goals was in college. I didn’t enjoy thinking that far ahead. Whenever I did, I could only think of a few goals. Maybe you’re like me and don’t have a lot of goals either. But the number of goals doesn’t matter—it’s more about having a sense of what you want for the future. When you think about setting goals, consider what you want financially, personally, and professionally.

Who Do You Want to Be?

This question isn’t about changing who you are but growing into who you are. Like a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, think about the person you want to evolve into. The path to becoming your best version is transformative, but it can be uncomfortable. It’s not a quick process, so be patient with yourself. As long as you are making progress, that is all that matters.

How Do You Want to Feel?

While many people associate happiness with positive emotions, it’s just one of many. If you want excitement, you might need to step outside your comfort zone and try new things. Or perhaps peace is what you’re after, which might involve finding quiet moments throughout your day. Take time to reflect on all the emotions you want to experience and set goals that align with them. By doing this, you can start creating a life you feel good about.

Where Do You Want to Be?

You can answer this question from a professional, financial, or personal place. You might want to be married with kids. You might want to move to another state. You might want to get promoted at work. Or you might want to make more money. Depending on what stage you are at in life, where you want to be can change. Reflecting on where you want to be can serve as a roadmap to the life you want.

Final Thoughts

The next time you think about your goals, I want you to think long-term. Consider who you want to be, how you want to feel, and where you want to be five years from now. By reflecting on these goals, you can create a vision for your future. This vision will lead you toward creating the life you desire.

What Is Your Relationship with Money?

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People are known as either savers or spenders. While how we manage money can reveal our financial habits, it doesn’t fully capture the emotional side of our decision-making. For some, saving might be motivated by the dream of buying a house, while others may spend money on travel to create memorable experiences. Understanding how we manage money and how we feel about money is crucial.

Retail Therapy

You’ve probably heard the term ‘retail therapy.’ I’ve been guilty of spending more when I was stressed. Shopping gave me a quick fix and made me feel more in control. Money became more than monetary value; it was a way to escape uncomfortable emotions. You wouldn’t know this because I consider myself more of a saver than a spender. But the truth is, how we spend money can often be deeply emotional.

I share my experience not to put the spotlight on myself but to help others realize they’re not alone. For many, talking about money can feel uncomfortable, but starting these conversations can foster greater self-awareness about our relationship with money. Retail therapy doesn’t have to lead to financial hardship; it’s all about moderation and mindfulness. If money is your only way of coping with emotions, consider exploring other ways to manage them.

Saving Vs Spending

Saving money can be just as emotional as spending it. Whether you’re saving for your dream home, booking a trip abroad, or planning a family reunion, the cost of these experiences can be significant. However, the memories you create are priceless. While being a saver is beneficial, being a spender isn’t necessarily bad. You deserve to enjoy your money, and spending it on meaningful experiences is a perfect way of doing that.

While saving money can be beneficial, it can also have a downside. For example, you may feel guilty about spending money, even when you can afford it. This feeling often stems from a scarcity mindset—one you may have developed growing up in a household where money was tight. Witnessing your parent’s struggle might have left you with an underlying fear of being without. Now, as an adult, you find yourself saving out of that same fear, trying to avoid the feeling how you did as a child.

Final Thoughts

When considering money, think beyond just being a saver or spender. Neither is better than the other. It is all about finding a balance between the two. More important than how you manage money is your relationship with money. Becoming self-aware of your emotions around saving and spending can improve your financial decisions. I hope this post can encourage you to be more mindful about how you view money.

How Do You Define Love?

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I’ve often found myself struggling to define love in a single sentence. While I have my understanding of what it is, I can’t say that everyone shares the exact definition. In fact, I believe people might define love differently. So, is there one universal definition we can all agree on? I’m not sure, but I found a definition in bell hooks’ book All About Love that resonated with me. She defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” This definition suggests that love is selfless, pure, nurturing, transformative, commitment, and, most importantly, a choice.

Love Is Selfless

I believe the best place to start is by introducing love as selfless, a concept that bell hooks captures when she says love is “to extend oneself.” It is offering your time when a close friend needs someone to talk to, or supporting a loved one’s dreams. Selfless love is given freely, without the expectation of anything in return. It is extending yourself for another’s well-being rather than personal gain.

Love Is a Choice

Love is more than just a feeling; it is a conscious choice. As bell hooks defines it, love involves “the will to extend,” highlighting love as an action and not just a feeling. While many people associate love with their feelings, they often overlook the fact that love is a choice. Feelings may change over time, but the actions you take to express love can remain constant. When you love someone, you show it. Taking time to express your love language and identifying the love language of others can help you show love in a way that others can appreciate it.

Love Is Pure

You know you love someone when you want the best for them. You want to see them happy, successful, and healthy. You are happy to watch their dreams come true and enjoy celebrating their milestones. When you genuinely care about another person’s well-being, you are experiencing the purest form of love. You consider how they feel in your decision-making. You consider how you can show up for them. Loving someone is about showing consideration.

Love Is Nurturing

The way you care for someone is a powerful expression of love. When you nurture someone, you give them what they need. Everyone has needs that are essential to experiencing fulfillment in relationships. Loving someone means knowing their needs and being able to fulfill their needs. Another part of nurturing someone is supporting another person’s growth. You are willing to provide your time, resources, and knowledge to help them grow.

Love Is Commitment

Love is a commitment to seeing the growth of the relationship. It is about committing to being with someone long-term. It doesn’t mean you can’t leave when it becomes unhealthy or toxic. In those cases, leaving is an act of self-love. Love is committing to support each other’s growth in a healthy and balanced way. It’s not just about saying ‘I do’ when you get married; it’s about committing to say ‘I do’ to the relationship every day.

Love Is Transformative

Love can transform a relationship. When you are with someone who knows how to love you, you have a fulfilling relationship. A fulfilling relationship changes the way you show up in the world. You find that you have more love to give. You are more patient because you are happier. You are more understanding because your capacity to love has expanded. You also find that those past hurts heal when you are loved.

Final Love Notes

I don’t know how you define love, but the way I define love is selfless, choice, pure, nurturing, committed, and transformative. While your definition might differ from mine, I hope you can begin to define what love is for you. I hope that love can be an experience that nurtures your spiritual growth.

What Do You Look for in a Therapist?

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Therapy can be intimidating, especially when you’re talking to a stranger. But you’re not alone. A therapist’s role is to provide a safe space for you to open up. Before your first session, consider researching your therapist. Websites like Psychology Today let you explore therapist profiles, read about their credentials, and even schedule consultations. While therapy might feel scary, a good therapist will guide and support you every step of the way.

Research Therapists

When looking for a therapist, consider finding someone who specializes in the specific issues you are facing. Whether you are dealing with trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction, or stress, it is helpful to have a trained therapist in your area of concern. A therapist with expertise in your area can offer more personalized treatment, improving your overall experience. Consider checking their credentials and experience to ensure they fit your needs.

Schedule a Consultation

Once you have done the research, it is time to schedule a consultation. The consultation helps ensure the therapist is the right fit. Consultations are typically free and are fifteen minutes long. During the conversation, consider having a list of questions. These questions can help you determine who is the best fit for you. Here are a list of questions you might ask:

  • What is your therapeutic approach?
  • How long have you been practicing in this area?
  • How do you tailor your approach to meet the specific needs of your clients?
  • Do you accept insurance? If so, which insurance providers do you work with?

During the consultation, you may realize they aren’t the best match. Trust your gut—if you aren’t comfortable moving forward, consider finding another therapist.

Book a Session

Once you believe you have found a therapist you like, you can schedule your first session. The first session is usually an intake process. Your therapist might ask about your personal history and goals. You will have the opportunity to share more about yourself and what you hope to gain from therapy. After the first session, check in with yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist, it is okay to find another one. It might take time to find the one that works best for you.

Final Takeaway

Therapy can be an intimidating experience at first, but it can also lead to healing and transformation. Before booking your first session with a therapist, consider reading their bio, checking their credentials, and scheduling a consultation. These steps can help you find a therapist that fits your needs.

What Can You Learn from Your Inner Child?

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As children, we often turn to our parents for guidance and may still seek their wisdom as adults. But what if the answers we’re looking for are already within us? Sometimes, it takes reconnecting to our inner child to discover who we are and what we want. When we trust our inner compass, we begin to navigate the world in a way that reflects our authentic selves.

Curiosity

As we get older, we often lose the sense of curiosity we once had as children. Yet, this very curiosity may be what our adult selves are missing. We stop exploring and start fearing the unknown. As children, we were more open to learning new things, but as adults, we tend to prefer what we know over what we don’t. We forget the fun of not knowing. If we want to stay connected to who we are, curiosity is key.

Imagination

Children are said to have a vivid imagination. In their mind, they can be who they want to be and create the life they want to live. However, many adults stop imagining what might be possible for them. Some believe it is a waste of time to let their mind wander. But, our imagination could be reminding us of what we want. It is in these moments of wonder we rediscover our dreams. Daydreaming and creating a vision allows us to tap into our inner child and manifest our dreams.

Play Time

Naturally, we take on more responsibilities in adulthood, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun. Playtime is not just limited to children. Adults can have fun as well. Whether it’s engaging in a hobby, doing something spontaneous, or watching a funny TV show, these moments of joy help us recharge. Making time to laugh more is one of the best ways to stay connected with our inner child.

Resilience

Another thing that we can learn from our inner child is resilience. Kids are very determined when they want something. I believe some adults get discouraged more easily than kids. When we don’t get something we want right away, we give up. Children can be relentless when they don’t get what they want. We can learn from our inner child how to be tenacious. It isn’t about giving up when things don’t go our way. It is about staying persistent until we obtain what we desire.

Intuition

One thing I have noticed about children is their intuition. They can read people better than adults. It is like they are born with a sixth sense. While intuition never lies, many adults don’t always follow it. They rely on logic to make their decisions. But what makes logical sense isn’t always the best choice. If we learn to rely more on intuition, we can always make the best decision.

Final Takeaways

Often, we seek guidance from our parents and mentors, but the answers we need are within. Sometimes, connecting with our inner child can guide us down the right path. Our inner child teaches us to be curious, imaginative, playful, resilient, and intuitive. These are all powerful tools that we can use to guide us to who we want to be and where we want to go.