When you think about who you are, think of it as a puzzle. Who you are represents the image, and the pieces represent the parts of you. The pieces are your interests, passions, goals, beliefs, strengths, and values. One thing for sure is that we are unique individuals and bring something special to the world.
You Are Unique
You are a unique individual. No one person has the same fingerprint. How unique you are extends beyond a physical attribute. You are unique in the things you love. You are unique in the values you hold. You are unique in the beliefs you have. You are unique in the goals you set. You are unique in the things you are good at. When you think of who you are, include all the pieces. Similarly to a puzzle, you cannot see the fullness of who you are without all the pieces.
The Pieces of the Puzzle
When you think about who you are, I understand the first thing that might come to your mind is what you do. But these are just small pieces to the puzzle. I want you to think about your qualities and not what you do. Consider your interests, hobbies, values, beliefs, and goals. These things represent a significant part of you. These are things you prioritize because they matter to you.
Choose Who You Want to Be
Who you are is more than what you do. Who you are is who you choose to be. Who you are is about knowing every part of you, from your strengths to your weaknesses. Being who you are is not about being perfect. It is more about being the best version of yourself. You can have weaknesses and still be worthwhile.
Who Are You?
I am a unique individual who loves to learn new things. I believe knowledge is power, and I enjoy sharing what I know with others. I am passionate about helping others and leaving an impact that extends beyond this generation. This is who I am. Who you are?
You may have heard of the four attachment styles. They are secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Out of these attachment styles, three are insecure. Your attachment style develops from your early childhood experience with your parents or caregivers. If you have an insecure attachment style, you can heal to form a secure attachment style as an adult.
Insecure Attachment
Before you can heal from an insecure attachment, it can be helpful to identify which specific style you fall into. These attachment styles included anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Each style shapes how you connect in relationships and how you trust, communicate, and deal with emotions and intimacy. You can take this quiz to determine your attachment style.
An insecure attachment style tends to manifest as a lack of trust or poor communication, overly reliant or hyper-independent, negative view of yourself and others, difficulty managing your emotions and conflict, or issues with intimacy. You can change your attachment style by being more mindful of how you show up in relationships. Self-awareness creates an opportunity to unlearn beliefs and behaviors that hinder you from having a secure and healthy relationship.
Develop a Positive Self-Image
The kind of relationship you want with others starts with having a healthy relationship with yourself. It is essential to maintain a positive self-image. It begins with believing that you are worthy. Your worth is innate and does not need to be validated by people, things, or circumstances. You are always worthy despite your mistakes or what you have been through. To become securely attached, start by recognizing your self-worth.
Practice Healthy Interdependence
Once you have a positive self-image, you can work on your relationship with others. Being in a relationship is not about being completely independent or completely reliant. It is about being able to rely on each other and work together.
Relationships are about having a balance between dependence and independence. A person with an anxious attachment might be codependent in relationships. Resolving this requires learning how to self-soothe and regulate your emotions. For someone with an avoidant attachment style, learning to ask for help can move them towards a secure attachment.
Express Your Feelings & Needs
Communicating your feelings clearly and respectfully is another way to develop a secure attachment. When you express your emotions, you are also being vulnerable. Being comfortable with vulnerability is part of developing intimacy in relationships.
If you have a dismissive-avoidant or fearful-avoidant attachment style, you might believe vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Contrary to what you might believe, vulnerability can foster understanding and intimacy often needed to develop healthy relationships. Additionally, having a secure attachment style in relationships involves healthy boundaries and open communication about your needs and desires.
Manage Conflict Effectively
You do not need to avoid conflict to have a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship can have conflict. Conflict does not have to be the end of a relationship. It can be the beginning of a stronger relationship. If you have an insecure attachment style, consider reframing conflict. Instead of viewing it negatively, you can have a more objective perspective.
Conflict can be a misunderstanding or a difference of perspective. One of the best ways to resolve conflict is through communication. It is essential to share your perspective, even if it is different. Your differences can create an opportunity for understanding. It also allows you to learn from one another. When you work through conflict, you gain knowledge and strengthen your relationship.
To Conclude
While your attachment style developed in your childhood, your attachment style is not permanent. You can work towards a more secure attachment if you have an insecure style. The way to achieve this is by building a positive self-image, fostering healthy interdependence, clearly expressing your needs and emotions, and effectively managing conflict.
I came across a statistic showing that nearly 50% of adults in the United States are single. Many people are making a conscious choice to be single. Whether you are single or in a relationship, there is always an opportunity for growth. Being single allows you to know yourself, strengthen relationships with family and friends, fulfill your purpose, and invest in your future.
Discover Who You Are
Being single is not uncommon, yet people often ask, why are you single? For many, it is because they choose to be. Some would rather be single than settle for an unfulfilling relationship. While you are single, you can discover who you are. You realize that you are more than a relationship status. You have qualities and strengths that make you unique. When you are solid in your definition of yourself, you choose relationships out of desire and not fear.
Strengthen Existing Relationships
People who are happily single are not afraid to be alone because they enjoy their company and have quality relationships. These relationships are often with their closest friends and family. They have more time to invest in their relationships, resulting in greater happiness and fulfillment. When you have great relationships, you improve the quality of your life. You can also develop tools in these relationships that you can use in a romantic relationship. Communication is a crucial aspect of any relationship, and being skilled in this area can prepare you for a partner.
Pursue Your Purpose
There is a tendency to judge those who aren’t married by a certain age, as though singlehood implies something is missing. While relationships can be deeply fulfilling, they are not the only path toward happiness or fulfillment. You have a purpose that is independent of your relationship status. Your purpose is solely related to who you are and what you are passionate about. You can find fulfillment as a single person by pursuing your purpose. Your purpose does not require you to meet the one. It is more about trusting yourself and having the courage to follow your heart.
Invest in Your Future
As a single person, investing in your future is essential. Investments can be financial, physical, or educational. Whether it’s spending time at the gym to enhance your physical health or investing money into a retirement account to secure your financial future, both are excellent investments. Another way to invest in your future is by pursuing higher education. Obtaining additional degrees or certifications can significantly impact your earning potential over time. The thing to remember about investment is that it is not always a quick return, but the long-term benefits are significantly rewarding.
Being single is a choice just as much as being in a relationship is. The opportunity of being single allows you to know yourself, strengthen relationships with family and friends, fulfill your purpose, and invest in your future. There is nothing wrong with being single if it is a choice that works best for you.
How are you doing? This question often gets asked by strangers, but when is the last time you ask yourself this question honestly? When was the last time you took a moment to reflect on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being? It is easy to get distracted by your job, friends, and family that you do not realize how unwell you are. Prioritizing your overall well-being begins with a simple question: How are you doing?
Acknowledge Your Feelings
How are you doing? You might say you are fine. But I have a follow-up question for you. How have you been feeling lately? Is it sad, scared, disappointed, excited, or happy? Whatever emotion it is, acknowledge it. By asking this question, you are checking in on your emotional well-being. Our emotions play an essential part in our overall well-being. If you are having a hard time, consider reaching out to others for support.
Monitor Your Thoughts
A study shows that the average person has over 6,000 thoughts a day. Another way to check in with yourself is by asking yourself: what has been on my mind lately? It is often your thoughts that affect how you feel and behave. If you are constantly worried about the future, you might be dealing with anxiety. Or if you frequently have negative thoughts about yourself, you might have low self-esteem. Consider journaling to become more mindful of your thought patterns.
Listen to Your Body
How much energy do you have? Another way you can check in with how well you are doing is by checking in with your body. Often, it is your body that is telling you to take a break, to get more sleep, or to get some fresh air. Your physical health and your mental health are connected. If you are tired, it might be your body’s way of letting you know you need a break. Or maybe you are dealing with digestive issues, then it might be a symptom of anxiety or stress. By checking in with your body, you are checking in with your mental health.
Take Time to Reflect
How are you doing goes beyond a simple answer. It involves understanding your mental, emotional, and physical health. Taking time to be reflective is one of the first steps in prioritizing your well-being. Make sure you are doing well in all areas of your health.
Most people want to be happy, but not many people are. While you might believe you are unhappy because you have yet to reach a particular goal in life or have not found your person, happiness is internal. While relationships, money, and material possessions can enhance your happiness, they cannot sustain it. Instead, happiness comes from within. It is about creating a life centered around your values.
Looking Externally
Relationships can increase happiness, but they cannot sustain it. In the honeymoon stage of relationships, it is pure bliss. Some people say they are on cloud 9 when they are in love. This high that people experience comes from the release of dopamine. Like any high, it will eventually wear off. For many couples, the honeymoon stage does not last forever. You cannot rely on another person to keep you happy.
While people may believe the right person can make you happy, a relationship cannot maintain your happiness. When you place your happiness in the hands of another person, you might be heartbroken when the relationship does not work out. Instead, it is good to have gratitude for the relationship and understand that you are responsible for your happiness. You can take control of your happiness by knowing your values.
Going Inwardly
Happiness is internal, and it starts with knowing what matters to you. Identifying your top 5-10 values can lead to a more fulfilling life. You cannot find happiness by living out someone else dreams. Creating a life you can enjoy starts with being authentic. It is about doing things that you love because they matter to you. You are unique, and what makes you happy might look different from someone else.
The Formula for Happiness
As much as external things can impact your emotions, you have a baseline for happiness. How happy you generally feel is predominately internal. One study shows that 50% of our happiness is genetics, 40% is mindset and personal choice, and 10% is life circumstances. Just think about the happiest time in your life. Now, think about how ecstatic you were when the event happened and how that emotion evolved as time passed. The level of happiness you felt before eventually returns to its baseline.
Happiness is a choice. Your mindset and choices play a significant role in how you feel. The daily practice of gratitude can help you develop a positive outlook and an internal locus of control. When you can be grateful for what you have, you have more appreciation for life. You also cultivate happiness through the choices you make. Being more intentional about taking actions that align with your values makes a difference.
I hope that this post will help you find what happiness looks like for you. I believe the best place to start is inward. You hold the key to your happiness, and it is up to you to unlock it.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you are unhappy with where you are at, you might disagree. You might believe you should be further along. You might desire more from life. But you are here. Whether you like it or not, it is important to accept it. Because where you are now can help you get to where you want to be.
Just because you are unhappy with where you are does not mean you should be somewhere else. Where you are now is an opportunity for growth. You are discovering what you want to change. You might not be happy, but you can be grateful. Grateful that where you are is only temporary. Now you know what you want to change. Now, you can make that change.
Create The Life You Want
When you think about where you are, it is important to consider if your actions are holding you back. While you might not have control over everything, you have control over how you respond. When you respond with openness, you invite knowledge. When you respond with a positive mindset, you invite hope. When you respond with faith, you invite possibilities. By changing how you respond, you influence the outcome.
You can still have everything you want, but it might not happen when you want it. You might have a dream that you have been wanting for a long time. You might have a goal you have been working on. Whatever it is, it is coming at the right time. The right time is not always the time you want it. The right time is the time you are ready to receive it. It is important to prepare for the things you want.
I hope that wherever you are in life, you can say I am where I am supposed to be. I can change where I stay, and the things I want are coming at the right time.
Have you ever turned to food for comfort when you felt stressed, bored, or sad? If you have, you are not alone. This behavior is known as emotional eating. While food can provide temporary relief, using it to manage challenging emotions can negatively impact your physical and mental health. To combat emotional eating, consider drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthy alternatives, and managing stress effectively.
Stay Hydrated
How much water are you drinking? Experts recommend you drink 8 cups of water per day. Drinking water not only keeps you hydrated but can also help you distinguish between hunger and thirst. Many people mistake thirst for hunger, which can lead to overeating. Before reaching for a snack, drink a glass of water. If you are still hungry, this indicates that your body needs food. While drinking water does provide physical benefits, it also improves mood and cognitive function. Consider increasing your water intake if you are not already drinking enough.
Mindfulness
How mindful are you about the food you eat? Maybe you had moments where you were still hungry after a meal because you ate too quickly, or you were too busy to cook and ended up getting fast food. You can be more mindful by slowing down, focusing on your food, and eliminating distractions. Keeping a food journal or meal prepping in advance can help you make healthier eating choices and prevent impulsive eating. With a little more awareness, you can enjoy food without the guilt that comes from emotional eating.
Healthy Alternatives
Practicing mindfulness starts with making healthier choices at the grocery store. It begins by purchasing more fruits and vegetables while limiting junk food. Keeping your home free of junk food helps prevent overindulgence. If you crave something crunchy, consider snacking on almonds or celery sticks. Or maybe if it is something sweet, you might consider eating fresh fruit. You do not need to eliminate junk food unless advised by a doctor. It is all about having comfort foods in moderation.
Manage Stress
If you are feeling stressed, it is important not to use food to avoid managing your emotions. One of the first steps in resolving a problem is acknowledging it. Start by identifying areas in your life that are causing stress. Writing these down and developing strategies to address each one can help. While some stressors may be out of your control, you can control how you respond to them. Though comfort foods might temporarily ease your stress, eating foods like leafy greens, fatty fish, and whole grains can help your body manage stress more effectively.
To Conclude
I hope this post can help you to be more mindful of your relationship with food. While emotional eating is common, there are ways to overcome it. Strategies like drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthier alternatives, and managing stress can help you maintain a healthy relationship with food.
When you see confident people, do you ever wonder what makes them confident? Do you believe it is because of how attractive they are? Do you believe it is because of how smart they are? Have you ever considered that it may be an internal reason people are confident? The truth is confidence comes from within. It is believing in one’s ability. Now that you recognize confidence comes from within, let’s focus on how to cultivate it.
Embodying Confidence
While you might believe attractiveness is what makes a person confident, it is confidence that makes someone attractive. A great illustration of this is in Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman. She acknowledges that it is not her looks that make her attractive but how she carries herself. While physical attractiveness may catch someone’s attention, confidence commands it. From her poem, you learn that confidence comes from within and is evident as soon as you walk into a room. It is about holding your head high, walking with ease, and showing your smile.
Knowing Yourself
Confidence comes from knowing yourself. Do you know what your strengths are? Confident people are not confident because they lack weaknesses. They are confident because they do not focus on their weaknesses. Like everyone, you have things you are good at and areas you can improve. Being aware of your weaknesses and working on them can help build confidence. A confident person sees value even in their imperfections because they recognize the opportunity to grow. Additionally, focusing on talents and abilities can boost your confidence.
Surrounding Yourself with Confident People
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This quote is powerful because it shows how relationships can influence who you can become. Surrounding yourself with secure people shows you what confidence looks like. You also have the opportunity to allow your light to shine. When you can show up and not worry about how others perceive you, you are building confidence. It is also helpful to have supportive people around you. Choose people who ignite your light and not dim it.
Final Thoughts
I hope that my words have helped you to build your confidence. Remember, confidence comes from within. It is something you embody. It also grows from knowing yourself and surrounding yourself with confident people.
I frequently hear people discussing their goals, hopes, and dreams for the year. While having aspirations is beneficial, being intentional in taking action to achieve your goals is equally important. It is good to dream, but turning those dreams into reality is even better. Here are some strategies to help you be more intentional about turning your dreams into reality this year.
Create a Vision Board
A vision board is a powerful tool for turning your dreams into something tangible. If you have a clear vision of what you want, a vision board can help keep you motivated and inspired. It is also a fun and creative way to visualize your goals in a way that is personal to you. You might fill your board with images, words, or a combination of both—there are no rules. The key is to make it uniquely yours. Once you have created your vision board, make sure to keep it somewhere visible. Seeing it can remind you of your aspirations and help keep you focused on achieving them.
Set Value-Based Goals
The goals you set are crucial to creating the life you want, but even more important is having goals that align with your core values. You cannot build your life based on someone else’s dreams. What makes you happy may look different from what others value. Take time to reflect on your core values and set goals that align with them. True happiness comes from living a life that reflects who you are. When your goals align with your values, they can lead you to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Connect with the Right People
Show me your friends, and I will show you your future. The people you choose to spend time with can impact how far you can go. Your connections can either be holding you back or moving you forward. When reaching your goals and aspirations, it is essential to surround yourself with the right people. While they may not be perfect, the right people are those you can learn from. They are people who inspire and support you. The right people facilitate you becoming your best self.
Take Accountability
When you think about where you are, how much of it do you blame on external factors? While circumstances impact where you are, how you respond influences where you stay. If you are unhappy with where you are, you can change it. People with an internal locus of control believe they are in control and take responsibility for their lives. They achieve the life they desire by taking actions aligned with their goals. They trust themselves and their ability to overcome challenges, regardless of the circumstances.
Final Takeaways
The new year can be a time of celebration and also a time to be intentional about creating the life you want. It starts with a vision and taking action to achieve it. It is about surrounding yourself with the right people and being accountable for where you are.
