Month: July 2024

What Past Hurt Do You Want to Release?

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Recalling the struggle to move beyond painful experiences, I searched for guidance on YouTube with the phrase “healing emotional pain.” I found a video that sparked my journey toward healing, and I’d like to share the insights gained from it. The video highlighted the significance of emotional regulation, self-compassion, patience, cognitive reframing, and forgiveness. Although the healing journey is neither swift nor simple, it is a transformative path worth pursuing.

The Importance of Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is essential to healing from a painful experience. One way we can do this is by identifying how we feel. It is often hard to admit it when you feel scared or sad because it feels uncomfortable. Some emotions are heavy, intense, and painful, which can prevent us from wanting to acknowledge them. However, I found acknowledging them can often create space to process them. It also creates an opportunity to change how you feel. If the emotion is too intense, consider taking a break or talking it out with a supportive friend. Journaling your thoughts or engaging in meditation are also great options for managing your emotions.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is crucial for emotional regulation. By practicing self-compassion, we improve our ability to manage emotions. For instance, when we feel fear, we may judge ourselves for that feeling. Thinking “I shouldn’t be afraid” may lead to feeling shame. Practicing self-compassion involves allowing oneself to feel fear without judgment. Affirmations such as “It’s normal to feel afraid,” “I can handle my emotions,” “My feelings do not define me,” and “I acknowledge and accept my fear,” can help you to accept your emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Be Patience with Yourself

The path of healing is a journey that requires patience. Healing resembles a circle, symbolizing the ongoing journey toward wholeness. It involves being receptive to the work necessary to heal. Part of the healing process is recognizing your triggers. You may have thought you had done all the healing work. But, a trigger may signal that there is something you are still working through. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge your progress. Healing is a process that takes time for everyone. Emotional wounds can leave profound scars, and similar to a physical wound, the deeper it is, the more care and time it needs to heal.

The Role of Forgiveness in Letting Go

Forgiveness is often a challenging but helpful way to let go of past hurts. Many of us have experienced hurt, and it’s not uncommon to feel weighed down by it. Clinging to resentment can hinder our progress and rob us of peace. Often, forgiveness is the key to finding peace. It is a personal choice that only you can decide for yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t justify the wrongs done; rather, it’s about letting go of resentment. To start, ask yourself, “What do I need to forgive myself for?” Write it down, beginning with “I forgive myself for.” Next, reflect on what you wish to forgive in others.

On the path to healing, I have learned to embrace the journey. When healing emotional wounds, practice emotional regulation, self-compassion, patience, cognitive reframing, and forgiveness. These practices have been critical to my healing process, and I hope they can be just as transformative for you.

How Mentally Strong Are You?

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There is a popular book called 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin. I found this list to help me focus on ways I can become more mentally strong, and I hope that sharing it will have the same impact on you. Here are thirteen behaviors that mentally strong people avoid. By avoiding these behaviors, you can feel more in control of your life no matter what is going on externally.

They Don’t Engage in Self-Pity

Feeling sad over a painful experience is natural, yet wallowing in self-pity can strip us of our power. Life inevitably has pain, but our reaction to it is a choice. Choose self-compassion over self-pity. Acknowledge your pain, but don’t let it become your identity.

They Don’t Live in the Past

Clinging to pain hinders progress. Focusing on the lessons learned allows us to move beyond the hurt. Gaining wisdom from past experiences can help us to make better choices for the future.

They Don’t Give Their Power Away

Blaming others for your emotions gives away your power. It’s up to you to regulate your feelings. By owning your emotions, you empower yourself.

They Don’t People Please

People pleasing is often a sign of poor boundaries and a defense mechanism to keep people from being upset. Consider saying no to things you don’t want to do.

They Don’t Focus on Things They Can’t Control

Although there are many things you cannot change, there are things that you can change and even influence. Focusing more on what you can change empowers you to take action.

They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Solitude offers a valuable opportunity for personal growth. Taking time to be alone with our thoughts enables us to reflect on our feelings and achieve greater clarity. Adopting a self-care practice such as journaling can be a great way to monitor your thoughts and emotions.

They Don’t Avoid Change

Change can often be challenging, but embracing it allows us to grow. Moments of discomfort can lead us to the best version of ourselves.

They Don’t Avoid Taking Risks

Fear can often prevent us from taking risks. Although scary, a risk can lead to a great reward. Consider taking small risks to get more comfortable with big risks.

They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes

Part of being human is making mistakes. Mistakes do not define us. They are opportunities to learn what we can do differently.

They Don’t Rely on Instant Gratification

It is common to have goals, but it takes time to achieve them. Instead of focusing on the outcome, enjoy the process. Put forth your best effort and remain patient. 

They Don’t Feel Entitled

When we have the belief that the world owes us, we run the risk of being disappointed. Develop an internal locus of control. Consider the actions you can take to achieve your goals.

They Don’t Envy People’s Sucess

Jealousy is a natural emotion, yet it can become harmful without self-awareness. Rather than feeling threatened by another’s achievements, let them inspire you. The success of others can serve as a motivation for what you can achieve.

They Don’t Give Up Easily

Failure is only permanent when we give up. When we push through setbacks, we pave the way to success.

What is Emotional Maturity?

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You may have heard the saying, “maturity comes with age,” but emotional maturity extends beyond reaching a certain age. It involves effectively managing emotions and navigating life’s challenges. Emotionally mature individuals can recognize and share their emotions, demonstrate flexibility and open-mindedness, take accountability for their actions, resolve conflicts, and handle stress in healthy ways.

Understanding Your Emotions

Emotional maturity is having the ability to recognize and share emotions. It can be helpful to know when you feel overwhelmed because that allows you to know when to take a break. Our emotions are a signal that we can either ignore or respond to. Being able to recognize your emotions can help prevent you from reacting. You may even find it helpful to communicate what you feel stressed about so that people are aware. An example of this is communicating with your boss when you feel overwhelmed. Informing your boss about your feelings creates an opportunity for support and mutual understanding.

Being Adaptable

Emotionally mature individuals often demonstrate flexibility and open-mindedness. Life can be unpredictable, but these qualities enable us to adapt more effectively to unexpected circumstances. If the train gets delayed, you might consider exploring alternative transportation options. You might even use the time to read or listen to music while waiting for the train. Another way to exhibit flexibility is by being open to perspectives that differ from your own. When a friend disagrees with you, instead of getting upset, try to be curious about why they have a different opinion. This approach can help you understand their point of view. Being open to a different perspective allows you to learn something new.

Taking Accountability

Individuals who take accountability for their actions demonstrate greater emotional maturity than those who do not. As humans, we may unintentionally hurt the feelings of those we care about. We display maturity by taking accountability and expressing regret for our actions. It is also crucial to recognize that making a mistake does not define one’s character. We all fall short of perfection, and this is normal and acceptable. How we respond to our mistakes reveals our true character. Viewing mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than reflections of our self-worth showcases emotional maturity. Apologizing sincerely for causing hurt and taking measures to prevent repeating the same mistake further exemplify emotional maturity.

Great at Conflict Resolution

Conflict is normal, and resolving it requires emotional maturity. Demonstrating maturity involves listening, being empathetic, remaining calm, seeking understanding, and finding solutions. Good listeners can understand others’ perspectives and use “I” statements to take responsibility and avoid blame, which helps reduce defensiveness. Emotionally mature people also know how to disengage when the conversation gets heated. They are great at addressing aggression or manipulation with the person in a respectful manner. Setting boundaries is another effective way to resolve conflicts. Communicating your boundaries lets others know your needs and limitations, which is crucial for maintaining harmony in relationships.

Healthy Stress Management

The way we manage stress can also indicate our level of emotional maturity. Life can be stressful, but there are healthy ways to cope during these times. When overwhelmed, your body releases cortisol, a stress hormone. An emotionally mature person listens to their body. They engage in physical activity such as yoga, walking, or dancing to relieve stress. They take breaks throughout the day to prevent burnout. They practice deep breathing to stay present and respond to what is happening. More importantly, they are not afraid to ask for help because they recognize that they need it.

Emotional maturity is not necessarily something that comes with age. It is a quality that can be cultivated at any stage of life. It is never too late to become an emotionally mature person. Individuals who can recognize and share their emotions, demonstrate flexibility and open-mindedness, take accountability for their actions, resolve conflicts, and handle stress are emotionally mature.

How Do You Stay True to Yourself?

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Throughout my life, there were moments when I felt judged for being different from others. I also had moments where I felt like I wasn’t living up to societal expectations. In a society where others have expectations of you, how do you remain authentic to yourself? Ultimately, true happiness comes from staying true to your values and making choices that reflect you rather than conforming to societal norms. Maintaining authenticity involves several practices. It involves knowing your values, accepting who you are, letting go of the need for approval, practicing self-compassion, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

Understanding Your Values

The values you have are an essential part of building a life of authenticity. Our values remind us of what we need to focus on and give us direction. One way to stay true to yourself is by living by your values. Understanding your top five values and aligning your actions with them can be beneficial. Your values can help you to stay true to what matters to you. Once you know your values, consider ways you can incorporate your values into your life. Your values can be a way to maintain integrity with who you are. If self-respect is a value you have, you can uphold it by setting clear boundaries, being assertive, and making your well-being a priority.

Embracing Your Unique Self

Authenticity means embracing your true self. You are unique, and your path will differ from others. It’s okay not to follow what others your age are doing. It’s normal to have different qualities, goals, and dreams. Your individuality allows you to make a unique mark on the world. To effect change, embracing your uniqueness is essential. What sets you apart is your strength. Accepting yourself also means recognizing your humanity. You are human, flawed like everyone else. No matter your imperfections, you have value. You don’t have to prove your worth. Being authentically you is more than enough.

Letting Go of the Need for Approval

Releasing the need for approval is crucial to maintaining authenticity. Often, we face expectations from our parents, friends, and society that don’t reflect our true selves. We aren’t obligated to fulfill others’ desires of who we should be. While there may be a desire to make others happy, it should not come at the cost of losing our identity. The key to overcoming the need for approval lies in building our self-esteem. When we are confident in who we are, we reduce the need for approval. Take time to reflect on your strengths. Focus on what you love about yourself. Understand that your self-perception holds more weight than the opinions of others.

The Power of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion can be instrumental in an authentic life. We limit ourselves through negative self-talk. We can challenge these thoughts with more empowering statements. Sometimes, we may have internalized a traumatic experience to mean that there is something wrong with us. Self-compassion says I am not defined by what happened to me. The trauma I experienced was not my fault. These statements are honest and empowering. It also allows you to move forward and create the life you want. Self-compassion helps you to embrace the power that lies within. Your inner critic can get in the way of living more authentically because of the fear of failure. Self-compassion sounds like I acknowledge my fear and move forward with courage. I let go of the fear of judgment and embrace my authenticity. I am allowed to make mistakes; they do not diminish my worth.

Surrounding Yourself with Supportive People

Being around people who accept who you are can be crucial to staying authentic. The support of people can help you to feel comfortable expressing who you are honestly and openly. It can allow you to be vulnerable without the fear of judgment. The support of the right people can be instrumental in achieving your goals and aspirations. Receiving feedback and different perspectives can be incredibly valuable. It empowers you to make choices that align with your goals and desires. Supportive people can serve as accountability partners to keep you on track when you get off course and help you to become the best version of yourself.

The Power of Authenticity

I have learned the best way to live life is authentically. We might feel pressure from society, friends, or even family to change who we are to meet their expectations, but it costs us our authenticity. Our authenticity is our superpower. We can embrace that power by staying true to who we are. Authenticity encompasses knowing our values, embracing our true selves, releasing the need for approval, practicing self-compassion, and surrounding ourselves with supportive people.