Mental Inventory -

What Brings You Happiness?

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Most people want to be happy, but not many people are. While you might believe you are unhappy because you have yet to reach a particular goal in life or have not found your person, happiness is internal. While relationships, money, and material possessions can enhance your happiness, they cannot sustain it. Instead, happiness comes from within. It is about creating a life centered around your values.

Looking Externally

Relationships can increase happiness, but they cannot sustain it. In the honeymoon stage of relationships, it is pure bliss. Some people say they are on cloud 9 when they are in love. This high that people experience comes from the release of dopamine. Like any high, it will eventually wear off. For many couples, the honeymoon stage does not last forever. You cannot rely on another person to keep you happy.

While people may believe the right person can make you happy, a relationship cannot maintain your happiness. When you place your happiness in the hands of another person, you might be heartbroken when the relationship does not work out. Instead, it is good to have gratitude for the relationship and understand that you are responsible for your happiness. You can take control of your happiness by knowing your values.

Going Inwardly

Happiness is internal, and it starts with knowing what matters to you. Identifying your top 5-10 values can lead to a more fulfilling life. You cannot find happiness by living out someone else dreams. Creating a life you can enjoy starts with being authentic. It is about doing things that you love because they matter to you. You are unique, and what makes you happy might look different from someone else.

The Formula for Happiness

As much as external things can impact your emotions, you have a baseline for happiness. How happy you generally feel is predominately internal. One study shows that 50% of our happiness is genetics, 40% is mindset and personal choice, and 10% is life circumstances. Just think about the happiest time in your life. Now, think about how ecstatic you were when the event happened and how that emotion evolved as time passed. The level of happiness you felt before eventually returns to its baseline.

Happiness is a choice. Your mindset and choices play a significant role in how you feel. The daily practice of gratitude can help you develop a positive outlook and an internal locus of control. When you can be grateful for what you have, you have more appreciation for life. You also cultivate happiness through the choices you make. Being more intentional about taking actions that align with your values makes a difference.

I hope that this post will help you find what happiness looks like for you. I believe the best place to start is inward. You hold the key to your happiness, and it is up to you to unlock it.

Where Are You at in Life?

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Accept Where You Are

You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you are unhappy with where you are at, you might disagree. You might believe you should be further along. You might desire more from life. But you are here. Whether you like it or not, it is important to accept it. Because where you are now can help you get to where you want to be.

Just because you are unhappy with where you are does not mean you should be somewhere else. Where you are now is an opportunity for growth. You are discovering what you want to change. You might not be happy, but you can be grateful. Grateful that where you are is only temporary. Now you know what you want to change. Now, you can make that change.

Create The Life You Want

When you think about where you are, it is important to consider if your actions are holding you back. While you might not have control over everything, you have control over how you respond. When you respond with openness, you invite knowledge. When you respond with a positive mindset, you invite hope. When you respond with faith, you invite possibilities. By changing how you respond, you influence the outcome.

You can still have everything you want, but it might not happen when you want it. You might have a dream that you have been wanting for a long time. You might have a goal you have been working on. Whatever it is, it is coming at the right time. The right time is not always the time you want it. The right time is the time you are ready to receive it. It is important to prepare for the things you want.

I hope that wherever you are in life, you can say I am where I am supposed to be. I can change where I stay, and the things I want are coming at the right time.

What Is Emotional Eating?

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Have you ever turned to food for comfort when you felt stressed, bored, or sad? If you have, you are not alone. This behavior is known as emotional eating. While food can provide temporary relief, using it to manage challenging emotions can negatively impact your physical and mental health. To combat emotional eating, consider drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthy alternatives, and managing stress effectively.

Stay Hydrated

How much water are you drinking? Experts recommend you drink 8 cups of water per day. Drinking water not only keeps you hydrated but can also help you distinguish between hunger and thirst. Many people mistake thirst for hunger, which can lead to overeating. Before reaching for a snack, drink a glass of water. If you are still hungry, this indicates that your body needs food. While drinking water does provide physical benefits, it also improves mood and cognitive function. Consider increasing your water intake if you are not already drinking enough.

Mindfulness

How mindful are you about the food you eat? Maybe you had moments where you were still hungry after a meal because you ate too quickly, or you were too busy to cook and ended up getting fast food. You can be more mindful by slowing down, focusing on your food, and eliminating distractions. Keeping a food journal or meal prepping in advance can help you make healthier eating choices and prevent impulsive eating. With a little more awareness, you can enjoy food without the guilt that comes from emotional eating.

Healthy Alternatives

Practicing mindfulness starts with making healthier choices at the grocery store. It begins by purchasing more fruits and vegetables while limiting junk food. Keeping your home free of junk food helps prevent overindulgence. If you crave something crunchy, consider snacking on almonds or celery sticks. Or maybe if it is something sweet, you might consider eating fresh fruit. You do not need to eliminate junk food unless advised by a doctor. It is all about having comfort foods in moderation.

Manage Stress

If you are feeling stressed, it is important not to use food to avoid managing your emotions. One of the first steps in resolving a problem is acknowledging it. Start by identifying areas in your life that are causing stress. Writing these down and developing strategies to address each one can help. While some stressors may be out of your control, you can control how you respond to them. Though comfort foods might temporarily ease your stress, eating foods like leafy greens, fatty fish, and whole grains can help your body manage stress more effectively.

To Conclude

I hope this post can help you to be more mindful of your relationship with food. While emotional eating is common, there are ways to overcome it. Strategies like drinking more water, eating mindfully, choosing healthier alternatives, and managing stress can help you maintain a healthy relationship with food.

How Confident Are You?

When you see confident people, do you ever wonder what makes them confident? Do you believe it is because of how attractive they are? Do you believe it is because of how smart they are? Have you ever considered that it may be an internal reason people are confident? The truth is confidence comes from within. It is believing in one’s ability. Now that you recognize confidence comes from within, let’s focus on how to cultivate it.

Embodying Confidence

While you might believe attractiveness is what makes a person confident, it is confidence that makes someone attractive. A great illustration of this is in Maya Angelou’s poem Phenomenal Woman. She acknowledges that it is not her looks that make her attractive but how she carries herself. While physical attractiveness may catch someone’s attention, confidence commands it. From her poem, you learn that confidence comes from within and is evident as soon as you walk into a room. It is about holding your head high, walking with ease, and showing your smile.

Knowing Yourself

Confidence comes from knowing yourself. Do you know what your strengths are? Confident people are not confident because they lack weaknesses. They are confident because they do not focus on their weaknesses. Like everyone, you have things you are good at and areas you can improve. Being aware of your weaknesses and working on them can help build confidence. A confident person sees value even in their imperfections because they recognize the opportunity to grow. Additionally, focusing on talents and abilities can boost your confidence.

Surrounding Yourself with Confident People

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This quote is powerful because it shows how relationships can influence who you can become. Surrounding yourself with secure people shows you what confidence looks like. You also have the opportunity to allow your light to shine. When you can show up and not worry about how others perceive you, you are building confidence. It is also helpful to have supportive people around you. Choose people who ignite your light and not dim it.

Final Thoughts

I hope that my words have helped you to build your confidence. Remember, confidence comes from within. It is something you embody. It also grows from knowing yourself and surrounding yourself with confident people.

What Are Your Intentions for the Year?

I frequently hear people discussing their goals, hopes, and dreams for the year. While having aspirations is beneficial, being intentional in taking action to achieve your goals is equally important. It is good to dream, but turning those dreams into reality is even better. Here are some strategies to help you be more intentional about turning your dreams into reality this year.

Create a Vision Board

A vision board is a powerful tool for turning your dreams into something tangible. If you have a clear vision of what you want, a vision board can help keep you motivated and inspired. It is also a fun and creative way to visualize your goals in a way that is personal to you. You might fill your board with images, words, or a combination of both—there are no rules. The key is to make it uniquely yours. Once you have created your vision board, make sure to keep it somewhere visible. Seeing it can remind you of your aspirations and help keep you focused on achieving them.

Set Value-Based Goals

The goals you set are crucial to creating the life you want, but even more important is having goals that align with your core values. You cannot build your life based on someone else’s dreams. What makes you happy may look different from what others value. Take time to reflect on your core values and set goals that align with them. True happiness comes from living a life that reflects who you are. When your goals align with your values, they can lead you to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Connect with the Right People

Show me your friends, and I will show you your future. The people you choose to spend time with can impact how far you can go. Your connections can either be holding you back or moving you forward. When reaching your goals and aspirations, it is essential to surround yourself with the right people. While they may not be perfect, the right people are those you can learn from. They are people who inspire and support you. The right people facilitate you becoming your best self.

Take Accountability

When you think about where you are, how much of it do you blame on external factors? While circumstances impact where you are, how you respond influences where you stay. If you are unhappy with where you are, you can change it. People with an internal locus of control believe they are in control and take responsibility for their lives. They achieve the life they desire by taking actions aligned with their goals. They trust themselves and their ability to overcome challenges, regardless of the circumstances.

Final Takeaways

The new year can be a time of celebration and also a time to be intentional about creating the life you want. It starts with a vision and taking action to achieve it. It is about surrounding yourself with the right people and being accountable for where you are.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is a concept I once misunderstood. I thought that by being kind to myself, I was being dishonest about how great I was. But I soon realized that denying my greatness was not being honest either. In this post, I want to share what self-compassion is and is not. I encourage you to practice self-compassion more, as it can be instrumental in accepting who you are.

My Worth is Innate

Self-compassion is not just about saying nice things to feel better about my failures. It is about acknowledging that I can have failures and still be a worthwhile person. I am learning not to measure my worth by failure or success. I am not less worthy when I fail or more worthy when I succeed. Despite my failures, I am worthy, and no amount of success can make me worthy. Self-compassion taught me that my worth is innate.

I Have Flaws

Self-compassion is not about denying my flaws. It is about accepting my flaws as part of who I am. My imperfections make me more relatable and real. When I strive to be perfect, I become less authentic. It is through my imperfections that I can grow. I have strengths and weaknesses. Neither is better than the other. I benefit from both.

My Standards

Self-compassion is not setting the bar low. It is about creating a standard that works for me and not against me. Expectations based on someone else’s standards can be damaging. I do not need to measure up to who people expect me to be. I can live by who I want to be. Who I want to be is more important than who I think I should be.

My Emotions

Self-compassion is not about avoiding painful emotions. It is about accepting how I feel. It is easy to embrace emotions that are deemed positive, such as happiness. But I do not always feel happy. I feel sad sometimes. Self-compassion teaches me to appreciate all emotions because each carries valuable insights. While emotions do not define me, they have helped me to understand the world around me.

Final Thoughts

Self-compassion has helped me to have a more loving and honest relationship with myself. Through this self-love journey, I better understand what self-compassion is and how important it is. Self-compassion is rooted in love. Love is kind. I hope this post inspires you to be more kind to yourself.

What Have You Learned This Year?

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This year has flown by fast, and while I look forward to the new year, I appreciate all that 2024 has taught me and given me. I hope with the new year approaching, you will take some time to reflect on this past year. The year 2024 has been transformative. I want to share how this year has helped me grow.

The Power Within

In the past, I felt powerless, but this year has helped me to see how strong I am. I am not strong because I can get through challenging things. I am strong because I realize that external things don’t have to dictate how powerful I feel. I focus on what I can control, and this is where my power lies. My power lies in my ability to shift my perspective, take action, and remain hopeful. Yes, this year has helped me to reclaim my power.

The Gift of Solitude

I spent most of this year alone. While I did experience loneliness at times, I also found great solace in dedicating time to my blog. Expressing my passions through writing has brought me joy while sharing insights with others has given me purpose. Solitude has also provided me with clarity about who I am and what I want. I now pursue life more intentionally, using quiet moments to set goals and reflect on my journey. This time has allowed me to evaluate my relationships and, more importantly, to embrace the gift of solitude.

Let Go of the Past, Keep the Lessons

This year has helped me to heal from the past. I have learned that how someone treats me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and not a reflection of my worth. I have learned that people have limitations that prevent them from showing up in a way that I need them. I have learned the importance of choosing people who align with my values. I have learned to be more open about my needs. I have learned to let go of unhelpful beliefs to move to a greater place. More importantly, I have learned that I am always worthy.

My Worth Is Innate

I have learned that my worth is internal and not external. It is not dependent on how someone treats me. It is not dependent on how I look, where I live, how much money I make, or how many friends I have. My worth is dependent on my ability to recognize it. I am worthwhile because I am a human being. I am worthy because I have a life. I am worthy, regardless of what others may think. As long as I live, I will be worthy.

Emotions Are Temporary

There were moments throughout the year when I felt sad, disappointed, and even anxious. Although it was hard to deal with these feelings, I knew what I felt was temporary. I recognized these emotions reminded me of what I wanted in my life. These emotions motivated me to change. Instead of judging my feelings, I allowed myself to sit with each emotion. As I began to process my emotions, I gained insight into what I could do differently. When I changed my actions, the way I felt changed. I felt happier because I made choices that aligned with my values.

Taking the Lessons into 2025

I am grateful for all the lessons this past year has taught me. I look forward to bringing these lessons into the new year. I do not know what 2025 holds, but I hope it does not fall short of amazing! This year brought lessons, and I hope next year will bring blessings. With the new year approaching, I invite you to reflect by answering the following questions:

What did I learn this year?
How would I describe this year in one word?
What do I desire for the new year?

Happy New Year!!

How to Have Joy During the Holidays?

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Although the holidays tend to be the happiest time of year for me, I recognize that, for some people, this time can bring sadness—from grief to seasonal depression. The holidays are not a joyful time for everyone, and I want to take a moment to say that however you feel, it is valid. It is okay not to feel happy, even during this season. Fortunately, grief and joy can coexist, and you can still find moments of joy despite how you feel. To help with that, I want to share some things that may bring you more joy this season.

Gratitude

Thanksgiving is often seen as a time to reflect on what you are grateful for, but gratitude isn’t limited to this holiday. It is something that you can practice every day. It is showing thanks in the small things such as being able to enjoy a meal. Or in the big things like being alive another day. Gratitude is how you can invite more joy into your life. Gratitude is what keeps you hopeful when times are tough. Gratitude helps you to have a more positive outlook on life. When you can learn to be grateful despite your circumstances, you experience more joy.

Do Something You Enjoy

Another way to experience more joy during the holidays is by doing what you love. For me, a cup of hot chocolate and a good Christmas movie work wonders, but what brings you joy might be different. It could be decorating a Christmas tree, cooking a warm meal, or even something completely unrelated to the holidays. The holidays are yours to shape—you can choose which traditions to follow, what food you want to enjoy, and how you want to spend your time. If it brings you joy, then do it. You have every right to have joy.

The Power of Giving

Giving is another way to experience joy. Giving is not just about spending money; it involves serving those who need it. Sometimes, giving to others can remind you how impactful you can be in someone’s life. This realization can help take your mind off yourself and on how you can make a difference. Seeing joy in others can help you to find joy from within.

Prioritize Connection

As the days grow colder and the nights longer, it is tempting to stay in. However, getting enough sunlight and maintaining connections are important during this time. One way to stay connected with yourself is by prioritizing your physical and mental health. If you are struggling, consider making an appointment with a therapist for support. Also, stay connected with others—whether attending a holiday party at work, calling a friend, or spending time with family. These connections are essential to your well-being.

Closing

The holidays are typically a time of celebration, but not everyone enjoys this time of year. If you feel sad during this time, I hope you know you are not alone and it is okay to feel sadness. I also hope you can find joy in practicing gratitude, doing things you love, giving to others, and staying connected. Happy Holidays! Wishing you joy this season!

What Dating Advice Do You Find Helpful?

While I enjoy watching dating shows for entertainment, I’ve learned to also watch for relationship advice. One piece of advice I liked came from Married at First Sight, where the concept of “growing in love” was introduced. It made me realize that love isn’t something you fall into; it’s something you can grow into. This advice is just one of many lessons I’ve picked up from dating shows, and I’d love to share more of these insights with you.

Grow in Love

The concept of growing in love was new to me. I had never heard that phrase before. I have always heard that you fall in love as if love is something that happened unintentionally. But hearing that I can grow into love helped me to see that love can be intentional. I value the intentionality of loving someone as a conscious choice. Love is not just a feeling; it is an action. Unlike falling in love, I can choose to love someone through my actions. I can grow in love by committing to journey through life with someone who fits where I am going.

Be Interested not Interesting

When it comes to dating, even I worry about if the person will like me. If you focus on being interesting and not interested, it can prevent you from being yourself. Authenticity is what makes you attractive to the right person. If who you are does not interest someone, they might not be the right match for you. Rather than trying to be interesting, focus on being interested. Be yourself and get to know the person to see if you’re interested. By showing genuine interest, you are more likely to find your match not just because they like you but because you like them.

Show Vulnerability

One important part of a relationship is intimacy. It often requires vulnerability to build a close connection with someone. When you can share your weaknesses, your emotions, hopes, and dreams, this creates a deep connection. Vulnerability is not something that you rush. It is something that you can build over time.

Trust is vital to building vulnerability in relationships. When it comes to opening up, start small. Take note of how the person responds. Are they accepting and understanding? Do they offer support or show empathy? Do they respect your boundaries? Are they patient with you? If they answer yes to these questions, this is a huge indication of a trustworthy person.

Know What You Want

Before you reach a destination, you need to know how to get there. Knowing what you want is like having good direction. It can help guide you to the right person. A practical approach is to list your wants, needs, and dealbreakers. When you have this list, you can use it to pick more intentionally. Often, in the early stages of dating, you might experience so much excitement that you forget what you need and want. Dating involves more than just following a checklist; it’s about having something concrete to refer to when feelings run high.

Find Someone You Can Fully Accept

When choosing a partner, it is essential to consider whether you can fully accept them as they are. Can this person meet your needs? Fit into your life? Align with your values?

A common mistake in dating is investing in someone who can not fulfill your needs or wants. Unmet needs often result in a lack of fulfillment, while unmet expectations can lead to resentment. Before committing, take time to assess your compatibility. Do they share your core values? Does their vision align with your dreams?

Trust Your Gut

When it comes to choosing your person, trust yourself. There is peace that you have when you meet the right person. You have a calmness in their presence. You feel safe when you are around them. More importantly, you feel at home.

To Conclude

If you are anything like me and enjoy dating shows, I hope you find one that gives good advice. If not, I hope this blog post helps you learn more about dating and being in a relationship. To recap, here are the five tips for dating and relationships:

Grow in love

Be interested, not interesting

Show vulnerability

Know what you want

Find someone you can fully accept

Trust your gut

What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I find myself stuck in the past, and I recognize that it is a sign of unhealed trauma. I told myself stories that exacerbated the pain. I realize that I have the power to change the storyline. I can write a story with a good ending. I can write a motivational story. I can choose a theme of resilience. I can work on character development. I could even have a co-writer. I recognize that to heal meant changing the way I write my story.

The Story

I believe holding onto a story gave me a false sense of safety. I felt safe thinking that people could hurt me. It made it easier to keep my guard up. But what I wanted more than anything was to receive love. How can someone receive love if their heart isn’t open? I tell myself that I can’t trust people. I told myself that I would be disappointed. I convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. The theme of my story was powerless. The title was “I am scared!”

A New Story

I personalized negative experiences because of unresolved trauma. I did not recognize that I had the power to change. I also believed that change was too hard. That is when having a co-writer helped me to change my story. I started by opening up about how I felt and allowing positive and supportive people to help me reframe my story. On my own, I could not write another story, but with the help of another person, I could write a story of resilience, power, love, and hope.

Character Development

My story needed character development. I was a victim of trauma and could not see myself outside that role. I became a victim of my circumstances. Now, I was becoming a victim of my story. Although life had improved, I still held onto painful experiences. I recognized that I needed to change how I saw myself. I began to tap into my power. It was not easy. I knew that the story I used to tell myself did not serve me anymore. I changed my story to “I got through it.” “Because I got through it, I can now have better.”

Edits

Like a book, there are still things that need editing. I am still working on letting go of the past. My story now is that I am on my way. I have come so far. I can look forward to what is to come. The themes of my story are power, resilience, love, and hope. The title is The Power in Me.