How Do You Manage Loneliness During the Holidays?

A man in a sweater looks thoughtful and sad at a decorated Christmas table indoors.

The holidays have always meant a lot to me, but I know this season can be really tough for many. Not everyone feels joyful this time of year, and that’s completely okay. Loneliness is more common than it seems, and it can feel even heavier during the holidays. I want to share some perspective that may help you navigate these feelings.

Holiday Blues

Many people feel sadness during the holidays, whether from a recent breakup, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or chronic depression. Sometimes, we avoid how we feel because we don’t want to experience the discomfort. It’s understandable, but the lengths we go to avoid these emotions can be harmful. Avoidance feels good, but it’s only a temporary fix. Our emotions are still there, no matter how hard we try to push them down. 

Emotions Are Signals

Trying to get rid of our emotions is like ignoring traffic lights while driving. When we are in a rush, that red light can feel like the enemy, and I think people feel the same way about their emotions. We label feelings like loneliness as negative when they are signals meant to guide us. Traffic lights tell us when to slow down, and sometimes an emotion as intense as loneliness does the same. It forces us to pause, check in with ourselves, and pay attention to what we need.

The Root Causes of Loneliness

Loneliness might be a reminder of what we need more of in our lives. Often, we feel lonely because we are disconnected from our needs. If we aren’t spending enough time with our loved ones or lack close relationships, we may feel lonely. If we have recently experienced the loss of someone we care about, we can feel alone. There are many reasons this emotion may come up. Instead of judging how we feel, let’s approach it with curiosity.

Curiosity over Judgement

While the holidays are often called “the most wonderful time of the year,” it’s okay if that’s not true for you. If you feel sad, allow yourself to feel sad. These emotions are temporary. Be curious about them and remember that they are just signals guiding you to what you need.

How Do You Plan to Spend the Holidays?

christmas background, christmas, gift, new year, holidays, present, red, decoration, box, celebration, christmas presents, christmas gifts, seasonal, winter, celebrate, golden, christmas wallpaper

Most of us follow the same holiday traditions every year, putting up the Christmas tree after Thanksgiving, spending time with family, or listening to festive music. But have you ever asked yourself what traditions you want to start? It’s okay to decide you’d rather stay home and enjoy a quieter holiday. The season isn’t just about finding joy; it’s also about keeping your peace. And sometimes that means spending alone.

Breaking Free from Tradition

Solo travel has become increasingly popular, but what about solo holidays? We don’t have to follow traditions that go against our authenticity. Sometimes we would enjoy the holidays if we allowed ourselves to do what we want, rather than what others expect of us. There comes a point in adulthood when we realize it’s time to make decisions for ourselves, not for others. Often, the best gift we can give ourselves is self-care. By learning to say no to traditions that don’t fit us, we make room to create new ones that reflect who we truly are.

Embracing Solitude

This year, I chose to step away from the traditional plans of spending time with family and focus on spending time alone. At first, I felt uneasy about sharing this decision with my family, but eventually, I found peace in it. This sense of peace came from realizing that I was doing something for myself. I contemplated how enjoyable it would be to watch a movie by myself and how a quiet setting would help me feel calmer and more grounded. The more I reflected on this sense of peace, the easier it became for me to make my decision.

Celebrating the Holidays Authentically

You know you’ve made the right decision when you have peace. Sometimes breaking the norm is uncomfortable at first until we realize it’s okay to start something new. We don’t need permission to be authentic. Instead, we can be more intentional about which traditions we want to follow and which traditions we want to create. This holiday, I hope that you can be more authentic with how you choose to spend it.

What Is Your Nighttime Routine?

A woman sleeping peacefully in a cozy bedroom, enveloped by soft white sheets, under the gentle glow of night lighting.

There was a time when I didn’t have much of a nighttime routine, or at least not a good one. I’d spend hours scrolling on my phone and then wonder why I couldn’t fall asleep. The next morning, I’d wake up tired, irritable, and stuck in the same cycle. Eventually, I realized a better morning started with a better night and that meant doing the one thing I’d been avoiding: getting off my phone. It didn’t happen overnight (no pun intended), but with consistency and discipline, disconnecting from my phone was the step that helped me build a better nighttime routine.

Putting Down My Phone

The most challenging part of my nighttime routine was putting down my phone. Somehow, everything seemed more interesting as the day grew darker. I’d come across an article and want to read more, or questions would pop into my mind just as I was getting ready for bed. Some nights, I gave in to my curiosity and regretted it the next morning. It was hard to disconnect, but when I finally did, I began to develop better sleep hygiene and felt the benefit the next day. The thing that helped me stay consistent was getting off my phone at least an hour before bedtime.

Adding Joy

Once I committed to getting off my phone at a set time, I could choose how to spend my evenings. I decided to end every night with something funny, so no matter how bad my day had been, I had something to look forward to. Right now, Abbott Elementary is my go-to show because it has everything I need to unwind before bed. Laughing is a great stress reliever, and watching something lighthearted helps me let go of the day. By focusing on this simple pleasure, I can allow my brain to relax, which ultimately helps me sleep better.

Finding Your Own Routine

Now that I’ve shared a glimpse of my nighttime routine, I’d love to hear how you like to unwind before bed. For some, it might mean putting your phone away an hour early, watching your favorite show, journaling, or reading a book. Anything that helps you relax is worth considering for your bedtime routine.

How Do You Prepare for Hard Conversations?

A man and woman in a heated argument outdoors, expressing emotions.

Hard conversations aren’t easy because they challenge us to grow. When we think about why we do things, is it out of obligation or genuine interest? We spend so much time worrying about what other people think and how other people feel, but what about how we feel and what we think? Being able to say no to things that don’t align with who we are may require a difficult conversation. The way we get through these conversations is to recognize that our intention is not to hurt anyone but to live authentically.

Living Authentically vs. Pleasing Others

Are we being who we think we should be, or are we being who we want to be? How can we live authentically if we are constantly trying to please others? There comes a point where we realize that we’ve been so focused on other people’s comfort level that we forgot ours. Once we recognize that we’re consistently unhappy and uncomfortable, it can push us to reconsider how we show up. As we mature, we become comfortable with being who we are. Sometimes, it means letting people know our boundaries. Hard conversations aren’t meant to be comfortable; they’re meant to help us grow.

Communicating Assertively

When approaching hard conversations, being an assertive communicator is essential. Just because the conversation is hard does not mean the tone needs to be harsh. Once we can communicate calmly, we can also use “I” statements to deliver our message. While it may feel uncomfortable when someone disagrees or dismisses our point of view, we don’t need to overexplain or convince them. Our goal is to communicate our thoughts and feelings respectfully and to accept that their response is out of our control.

Setting Boundaries

The people who respect us will respect our boundaries. If we really want to know who someone is, watch how they respond to boundaries. Do they become reactive and defensive, or are they understanding and accepting? For some people, setting boundaries can be challenging because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. At the same time, we hurt ourselves by not having boundaries. Instead of seeing boundaries as a consequence, we can see boundaries as a form of self-care. This shifts our perspective from hurting others to protecting ourselves.

Final Thoughts

If hard conversations were easy, more people would be having them. The truth is, they are challenging, and it often feels more comfortable to avoid them. But the discomfort is only temporary, because a hard conversation can lead to stronger relationships and deeper understanding. What hard conversation could you start today to cultivate more authentic connections?

How Do You Respond to Criticism?

A team confronts a stressed colleague at a tense office meeting, highlighting workplace dynamics.

Growing up, I watched American Idol, and the judge who caught my attention was Simon Cowell. He definitely didn’t hold back, calling some contestants the worst singers in the world. His blunt comments made me think about how we react when others judge us. How do you respond when someone criticizes you? The most effective approach isn’t to react defensively but to focus on what is true and helpful. This approach can help us to grow without losing our confidence.

Opinion vs. Fact

Does the truth hurt? When someone criticizes us, is it painful because it’s true, or because it challenges our sense of self? Often, feedback can be honest but not objective. Take the television show American Idol, for example: someone might honestly share their opinion, but an opinion is not a fact. Saying someone is the worst singer in the world is an opinion, whereas noting that their pitch doesn’t match the melody is a fact. Ultimately, it’s not the truth that hurts; it’s the disapproval that does.

Why Criticism Feels Painful

One reason many people struggle with criticism is that it feels like rejection. When we feel judged for who we are, it’s natural to feel disappointed, upset, or frustrated. Acceptance feels good, but rejection can sting. As much as we want to take it personally, it’s important to understand that it’s part of the human experience. Just like not everyone likes coffee, not everyone will like us. We don’t need to feel bad about ourselves just because of another person’s perception of us. Instead, we recognize that our perception of ourselves matters more.

Focusing on Useful Insights

When responding to criticism, it’s essential to consider who is providing the feedback. What is their temperament, communication style, and attitude? Not all criticism is constructive; at times, it may stem from the other person’s frustration or mood rather than an objective evaluation. In such cases, focus on the parts that are true and helpful. If nothing they say is beneficial, it’s best to let it go. We don’t have to be defined by what people say when we know who we are.

Next time someone criticizes you, pause before reacting. Ask yourself: what part of this is true? What part can help me grow? What part can I let go? By being curious even, a negative evaluation can turn into a valuable learning tool.

If You Had One Wish, What Would It Be?

Two women celebrating a birthday indoors with sweets and laughter.

I will never forget my 10th birthday party. As I blew out the candles on my cake, I had one wish in mind. When that wish came true, I was ecstatic. I believed that all it took was a few lit candles and a little imagination to make anything possible. Over time, I learned that wishful thinking alone isn’t enough, but envisioning what we desire is always a powerful first step. Once we have that vision, the next step is to take action. As a child, I waited for things to happen for me, but as an adult, I am learning to make things happen.

The Power of Vision

We don’t have to wait for our birthday to make a wish. In fact, every day is an opportunity to imagine the life we want. To achieve our dreams, it’s important to have a clear vision. But vision alone is not enough; some aspirations require hard work, dedication, and time. We don’t always get what we want right away, which can be discouraging. In these moments, reminding ourselves of our vision can keep us moving forward. Too many people give up too soon, not realizing that the life they desire might be just days, weeks, or months away.

Challenge Your Thinking

Sometimes, our vision isn’t too small; our mindset is. When things don’t happen on our timeline, we might assume they will never occur. In reality, they simply haven’t happened yet. Adopting a growth mindset means recognizing that just because something hasn’t happened, doesn’t mean it never will. It is essential we challenge our thoughts and ask ourselves do they align with the vision we have for the future. It isn’t about being in denial about what is but being open to what is possible. With a growth mindset, we stay open to possibility.

From Vision to Reality

It’s one thing to want something; it’s another to take action to achieve it. Many of the things we desire require stepping outside our comfort zones. Change can be uncomfortable, but aren’t our dreams worth that temporary discomfort? If we knew that facing our fears could bring us closer to what we want, would we take the leap or settle for what’s familiar and miss out on life’s possibilities? Often, the only thing standing between us and our vision is our actions.

Final Thoughts

What is one wish that you have, and what are you willing to do to make it come true? We all have wishes, but do we have the right mindset and consistent action to make them a reality? Don’t wait for your next birthday to make a wish, start imagining what you want now and work towards it.

What Prevents You from Asking for Help?

A woman in distress sits at a desk with head in hands, surrounded by tissue papers.

When I was twelve, I had to complete a science project, and since science was my least favorite subject, I dreaded it. The assignment felt overwhelming for two reasons: I didn’t know what I was doing, and I had procrastinated. After hours of struggling, I ended up with a pounding headache and a project that I didn’t feel confident about. It became clear to me that I couldn’t tackle this on my own next time. I learned that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; rather, an opportunity to be supported. Even now, as an adult, I continue to remind myself of this lesson.

Being Independent

Sometimes, we put too much pressure on ourselves and mistake it for independence. You can be independent and still need help. As a child, I wanted to be self-reliant because I was afraid to depend on others. Over time, I’ve learned that interdependence is just as valuable. While there are some things I can do on my own, there are times when I need support. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. We all need help with something, but the question is, are we willing to ask for help?

Becoming Interdependent

How do we allow people to help us? Two ways: by accepting help when it’s offered and by asking for it when we need it. We don’t earn points for doing everything on our own. In fact, when we don’t ask for help, people often assume that we can manage everything by ourselves. If we’re not careful, taking on too much can lead to burnout, which is our body’s way of signaling that we have reached our limit. Often, burnout can be avoided by allowing people to help us. So, the next time you feel overwhelmed, reach out and ask for help; it’s not a weakness, but an act of self-care.

Finding Balance

There are lessons that we relearn as adults. The lesson for me was learning again how essential it is to ask for help. I think about experiences where I could have saved myself time and frustration if I weren’t afraid to reach out for support. Sometimes we rely too much on ourselves to our detriment. It’s all about finding that nice balance between showing up for ourselves and allowing others to show up for us. We can do both if we learn to be interdependent rather than independent.

Which Environments Make You Feel Invisible?

A young woman sits thoughtfully by a window, holding a feather pen and notebook, in a serene room.

Have you ever walked into a store where no one greets you? You’re browsing quietly, trying to find what you need, but no one looks up. No one says hello. No one asks if you need help. After a while, you start to feel invisible, as if you don’t belong there. Then, you step into another store. The moment you walk in, someone smiles at you and says, “Welcome! Let me know if you need anything.” You haven’t changed; you’re still the same person. Yet, suddenly, you feel seen, valued, and appreciated. That’s the power of environment. Sometimes, it isn’t you, it’s the room you’re in.

The Power of Changing Rooms

For many people, changing rooms can transform their entire experience. Rooms aren’t just physical places, but the people we allow to occupy spaces in our personal and professional lives. Everyone has weaknesses, but when was the last time someone recognized your strengths? When was the last time someone expressed appreciation for what you did? Instead of questioning who we are, maybe it’s time we start questioning the environments we’re in. If we aren’t being seen, valued, or appreciated, it might be time to leave the room.

Step Into the Right Rooms

Stop staying in rooms that don’t see, appreciate, or value you. Go where the sun shines. Just like a plant needs sunlight to grow, we thrive in environments where people support us. We need spaces where who we are is enough, where we don’t hide our weaknesses out of fear of judgment or downplay our strengths to avoid making others uncomfortable. In the right space, others aren’t afraid to let us shine because they recognize that our light makes the room brighter.

Evaluate Your Spaces

Take a moment to evaluate the spaces in your personal and professional life. Notice where you feel drained, invisible, or unappreciated. Those feelings aren’t a reflection of your worth; they’re signals that the environment isn’t right for you. You have the power to step away from those spaces and seek places that support you. When you’re in the right rooms, you’ll notice a change not just in how others treat you, but in how you see yourself. Sometimes it’s not you, it’s the room you’re in.

Who in Your Life Can You Trust?

A woman sits by a window, lost in deep thoughts and moody light.

What happens when the people closest to us betray us? For many of us, this leads to trust issues. We believe that if we can’t trust the people we’re close to, then we can’t trust anyone. On the surface, it appears to be trust issues, but beneath that lies unresolved trauma. When the people we depended on for our safety become the source of our pain, it creates internal conflict that can change how we view ourselves and others. As a defense mechanism, we protect ourselves by not trusting anyone. What we don’t realize is that our trust issues are the unresolved issues we have with people who hurt us.

Processing the Experience of Betrayal

When someone close to us betrays us, how do we process that experience? We might start to question our judgment: How could I not have seen this coming? To protect ourselves from that pain, we may become hypervigilant by assuming the worst about people, keeping others at a distance, or shutting down emotionally. These reactions are natural trauma responses, but they aren’t healthy ways to process betrayal. Instead, we can focus on understanding our feelings without blaming ourselves for someone else’s actions. Ask yourself: How did this experience make me feel? Reflecting on it is the first step toward healing.

Moving Through Painful Emotions

When we revisit a painful experience, the goal isn’t to relive it but to move through it. Betrayal is a difficult situation to process because it comes with heavy emotions and even physical sensations. We can feel the tightness in our chest or tension in our shoulders. In these moments, it’s okay to take a break and process it gradually. When processing trauma, it’s also helpful to co-regulate with a licensed therapist. They’re able to provide grounding techniques that can help us process painful emotions. While we can’t change what happened to us, we can change how we process our experience.

Rebuilding Trust and Setting Boundaries

Instead of generalizing everyone based on our past hurts, we can recognize that some people are trustworthy while others are not. Identifying those we can trust helps us realize that not everyone is the same. When considering whether someone is trustworthy, the main factors to evaluate are their consistency and their respect for you and others. Also, setting boundaries is an effective way to protect ourselves in relationships, especially after experiencing betrayal. While navigating the pain of betrayal can be incredibly tough, we can emerge from these experiences more resilient.

How Do You Spot Seasonal Depression in Yourself or Others?

Anonymous young sorrowed female in casual outfit touching dark hair and embracing knees while sitting on chair at home

According to statistics, one in five Americans has a mental illness. With a stat like that, chances are you or someone you care about may be going through a difficult time, especially during the holidays. Seasonal depression tends to become more common in the fall and winter. So, how can we find the support we need and help those we care about do the same? First, we prioritize our mental health and then check in on the well-being of others. 

Checking In With Yourself

Before we can show up for others, it’s important to check in with ourselves. Over the past two weeks, ask yourself: how have you been feeling? Have you experienced sadness, anxiety, irritability, or hopelessness? If these feelings have been present most days, it can be a sign of depression. Unlike sadness, depression is long-lasting and can be detrimental to our well-being if left untreated. It is not something that goes away, and seeking professional help from a licensed therapist is the first step. By taking care of ourselves, we strengthen our ability to care for others.

Recognizing the Signs in Others

Have you noticed someone acting differently lately? While depression can be hard to recognize, it often shows through noticeable changes. People struggling with depression may withdraw from social activities and isolate themselves. You might also notice changes in their sleep patterns or increased irritability.

Depression doesn’t look the same for everyone, but these behavioral changes are common signs to watch for. If you suspect someone is experiencing depression, let them know you’re there for them. Many people feel ashamed, but by providing your support, you can help them take the necessary steps towards healing. 

Breaking the Stigma and Seeking Help

The stigma around mental health has shifted, and as someone who has experienced depression, I’m grateful to be able to share my diagnosis openly. Therapy was one of the first steps I took to improve my mental health. It has helped me become more self-aware and given me tools to regulate my emotions and reframe my thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed therapist. We all need support, especially when it comes to our mental health.